Monday, December 25, 2006

Generosity, or lack thereof

Well, shall I write a post about the lack of generosity in foster youth? I do wonder if it comes from a lack of training in gift-giving or if it is about insecurity -- an inability to risk spending money on others because there might not be enough for oneself. I suspect though that it may have something to do with the emotional risk. To give a gift is to risk a sort of rejection from someone. You have to get them something they will want, and make them happy. If they don't like the gift then you experience rejection. Better not to risk it. Better to disappoint by not trying than by putting a piece of yourself out there to be found wanting.

In any case, David showed up empty-handed as expected.

Hubby's siblings and we decided to stop buying for each other's children. My sister tearfully told me that she could not afford to buy presents. I ask if I could send her kids an inexpensive game (one for all three of them). She agreed and then sent all of us (including David) fancy chocolate bars. I would like to think that David figured it out -- noticed how much everyone appreciated that someone with little money bought a thoughtful, inexpensive gift. I doubt it though.

I am very proud of Andrew and Brian who, knowing that David would bring them nothing, still worried that there were not enough presents for David. Hubby went out and purchased socks, gloves, long underwear (David is always cold) and a cute stuffed animal so that David would have the same number. They were not as nice as what the boys got from the grandparents, but they were presents to be opened. Grandparents would have sent something for David if I had known for certain he was coming and told them. The unspoken rule has become that they buy presents for any kid who is living here, but not for the foster boys after they move on.

Andrew and Brian are happy with the present that we bought them. Uncertain as to what to buy David we told him that he could exchange his if he liked. He has said he is not certain, but he is leaving it in the packaging, so I expect he will.

In any case, it is a peaceful morning and it looks like the day will be spent in quiet.

Now if you will excuse me, I am going to read some from the book about Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony my mother-in-law sent me.

1 comment:

  1. I wonder if it has something to do with planning, as well? One thing I have noticed about the families I work with is that they really don't plan ahead. My own son has trouble planning ahead as well, and has to be reminded and reminded to get gifts--whatever is happening in the moment in his life is usually more enthralling than going shopping for me and his sister!


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