Sunday, April 16, 2006

Visiting Evan, part II

When I sent Evan away I was afraid that the rehab center might send me back a different kid.

Evan is exactly the same kid, only without the drugs.

He is anxious to please. He very much does not want to be disliked. His mother did retract her love, tell her that he hated him, when she was displeased, and he does not want to upset anyone. He still works so hard at that, that he has trouble being honest. He tells us how much he wants to get a job, and that he no longer feels that he just cannot work at fast food. He is ready to do everything that he needs to do. No worries.

He expresses total confidence about being off the drug. Detox was horrible. He never wants to go through that again. He feels so much better clean. He actually wants to do stuff. This is the way to be and he is never going back.

He is terrified. So many times I could see the anxiety, the terror, in his eyes. Planning of adulthood, living on his own, doing everything he needs to do is very, very frightening. He is afraid that he will mess up; that we will kick him out; that we will not like him.

He has no skills for coping with his anxiety.

He has no plans for what to do when he wants to take the drug. He was confused when I asked him about that. He does not want to take the drug, why does he need a plan to deal with something that is not going to happen?

Though the rehab counselor there tried to make us all feel confident in Evan's recovery, I confess that I am less than optimistic. The counselor here is getting a good outpatient plan put together for him here. She will be very good at helping him to develop the skills that he needs to stay clean -- if that is what he wants.

It is going to be a lot harder than he thinks it will be though.


  1. I have 2 girls that are pleasers. Their moms were their world and then they left them at the treatment centers for being gay (there was already lots of abuse and dysfunction, and then the girls were left to feel they were in the wrong for all the hurt that had been done to them).

    These two are big time liars and have trouble taking responsibility or making realistic plans. They are also the first to ask for therapy when they screw up, but then they play games once we are in therapy. one now has herpes and the other is about to NOT graduate.

    So, not to bring you down. Just saying I get it and I hope he is capable of being sincere in his recovery.

  2. Don't worry Lionmom, you aren't bringing me down. I am all the way down on the ground already.


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