Thursday, April 13, 2006

Preparing to visit rehab

So tomorrow is the big day. Hubby and I are getting on a plane (actually two planes) and going to the big exciting city to see Evan. Our agency, whom I currently love, is paying for the plane tickets, rental car, meals, hotel room, and even reimubursing us for paying the college student who will be hanging with bios.

Hubby and I will get to spend an evening in a hotel, far, far away from any children.


When I concentrate on that part of it, it all seems like fun.

On the other side though I am an anxious mess. I have spent 7 weeks working the Anon (Al-Anon and Nar-Anon) programs. I have made so much progress. However, the inner co-dependent is struggling to get out and I am trying to figure out how to shut the b!tch up.

I have let so much go. I have accepted that I cannot change many, many things. I have no control over others. I can only change me. Evan must walk his own path. Yada...yada...yada.

That inner codie though...She is creative. I let go of one anxiety and she comes running up with another..."Let's worry about this!"

Reminds me of Brian at four. "Mom, can I have two cookies?"
"No cookies until after dinner"
"Mom, can I have THIS cookie and then this other cookie?"
"Mom, can I have THIS cookie now and another cookie later?"
"NO...there will be NO cookies until after dinner."
Confused look on his face...then a smile, "Mother, could I please have two cookies?"
"No! There will be no cookies until after dinner!"
"Well...could I please have just one cookie?"
"Brian...NO! NO! NO! If you ask me again you will not get any cookies for the rest of the day!"
Then he cries, "You didn't have to yell at me!"

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