Sunday, April 09, 2006

The unlovable

Well, E is still here.

It was easier last week...she had track and work and really was not in the house very much. Today though we spent the day together.

She was on the phone most of the day talking to people about what "went down" at Mandy's last week. When she tells the story everything is Mandy's fault. When I re-tell the events it sounds only like Mandy was trying to cope with a bunch of girls who were feeding off of each other.

It was hard listening to her. At one point she was listing Mandy's sins and got quite worked up telling me how Mandy tells all of them that she loves them. Can you believe it? She even says that to the youngest one! This is clear evidence of Mandy's evil nature.

From E's perspective it is clear that Mandy's is lying, emotionally abusive, and manipulative.

It does not occur to E that Mandy might mean it.

In the movies, a kid who has been in the system has a problem with trust. They push people away, even try to hurt them. The loving adult, however, persists. The loving adult probably wants to give up, and maybe almost does. However, in the end, the kid realizes that this one person can be trusted and a relationship is formed.

In real life, you have a kid like E. Her distrust is not a defense mechanism operating at the level of consciousness. It goes "all the way down." At every level E knows that she is not lovable. Anyone who says they love her is lying. They are dangerous and must be destroyed.

Next on Miss E: The beginning of a change

1 comment:

  1. Such a sad observation and so on target.

    Even my girls who have spent almost their entire lives with me (Rochelle and Rebecca have never known anything else)suffer from some of it. I can't imagine what it's like for a child like E.


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