He is home alone

Well...I am at work and he is home alone. He said last night that today he was going to call the alternative high school, pick up job applications, and go to the Driver's License Bureau.

He has not shown any interest in looking for meetings. He is coasting there. Wednesday he is to see the counselor and his social worker. I guess he is letting them worry about that part.

That is not supposed to be a good sign, recovery-wise.

But I really am trying to focus on my own work and let him do whatever he is going to do. If he makes it, it will be because he wants it badly enough. If he doesn't then he won't. I cannot change that.

Last night I was really tired. Hubby asked me how I was holding up. I told him that before I would have been pacing, anxious, imagining the future and figuring out consequences. As it was I was getting anxious, reminding myself that that did not help anyone, taking deep breaths, and calming myself down.

It's not great, but it is better, and sometimes better is all we get.