Talking to Evan's family

Evan's sister called the other day. I was gone and Brian told her that Evan was on vacation.

She called again and I told her the truth. I really wanted to talk to the grandmother or aunt first, but it did not happen that way. She did not ask a lot of questions. She was not surprised either. She saw him taking pills in the days after the funeral and wondered what they were for.

I called his grandmother. Technically I had committed to only telling them if they called, but it felt wrong not to let the grandmother know once the sister did.

She was genuinely surprised. After seeing his mother's struggles with addiction and hearing him say the things he has about it, she assumed that he would stay far away from drugs. I told her that in his mind he was only taking them to cope and not to get high, so it was different, and that I believed that the reason that he told us was that it was beginning to spin out of control.

She asked if it was possible to contact him and I told her that I would forward a letter from her and that I was pretty sure he would call or write once he heard from her. I could hear the disappointment in her voice, but I think she understood why I felt I could not give her the address or phone number. I told her that though I had confidentiality requirements as a foster parent, she did not. She could talk to whoever she felt she needed to. I told her that I had told Evan and the social worker that I would not lie if any of them called and that I was sorry that sister was the first to call.

She said that it was probably good for the sister to know first. I don't know exactly what that is about, but I don't have to.

She also said she would get a letter in tomorrow's mail. I believe her. It will be good for Evan to hear from his family and know that they are proud of him for doing this.