Conflicted by happiness

I'm a sick woman.

Evan broke up with J!!!! Yipeee!!! Evan has decided not to go on stupid trip to Indiana!!! Yipeee!!!

J is a newbie. Evan is the first boy he ever kissed. It was a doomed relationship. Oh, I should have more confidence in young love, but well, I don't. J was (is?) in love with being in love. I mean really...what would you think if you were J's mother? Your 18-year-old kid has his first big crush: on a recovering addict who lives 1000 miles away. Yeah. That's going to work.

Evan was overheard saying, "I will not let anything come between me and my sobriety."

Yippeee!

But can I enjoy the moment? Of course not. What do I think in the midst of being happy?

"That line about sobriety...it could be sincere, but it is also a great break up line. It takes 'Sorry, it's not you; it's me" to an entirely new level."

and

"I'm feeling happy...feeling hopeful. Oh no! Am I forming expectations? Expectations are bad...expectations are 'premeditated resentments.' Bad auntie! Feeling happy because he seems to be recovering is as bad as feeling bad because he is not. Danger! Emotions too connected to Evan! STOP FEELING HAPPY!"

I'm a sick, sick woman.

But a happy one.