Monday, March 13, 2006

The new bottom line

So...There is a really interesting family dynamic going on here.

Hubby has never had to worry about a large number of things because I always worried about them. Some boundaries he has set he has justified as being necessary for me. The kids, especially the foster kids, could not engage in some behavior because it was too stressful for me.

Now I am getting into a really relaxed place. It is beginning to dawn on him that I might really mean what I say. Certainly he's convinced that I think I do.

I told him that I talked to the social worker and told her that if Evan made it back here under their good graces then we would give him a chance. They could put whatever requirements on him they wanted, but they did not have to put any on him for me.

It took Hubby a while to realize what that meant, but it was clearly upsetting to him. The idea that Evan would leave this wonderful rehab center that they sent him to even though it was 1000 miles away was outrageous. Hubby does not think that Evan should be allowed to come home unless Evan finishes the program.

I reminded him that whoever has the strictest rule wins (a long-standing principle for us), and so that is what it would be. [This may not be clear: he wins. In this case we are comfortable in different places and since we both have to be comfortabel we told the social worker she could tell Evan that he had to do what the rehab center recommends before coming home.]

Still, it is the family dynamic here that I am wondering about. If this letting go strategy sticks with me, how much will that affect him?

I wonder.


  1. I'm around - listening.

  2. I'm liking the "s/he with the strictest rule wins" thing...very much. Has it always worked for you? I can see that hubby and I will have very different ideas on discipline, and this idea sound worth exploring.


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