Thursday, March 23, 2006

Post rehab planning?

Got another call from Evan yesterday, actually two calls.

The first was just life here is good. He talked to his sister and aunt on the phone. He has trouble with the Higher Power stuff, but things are good, ect.

The second was very different. I will try to keep this from being too long, but I cannot resist giving you some of the flavor of Evan-energy.

"Hi Beth...I know we talked just one hour ago, but I actually called to say something specific. My counselor here wants me to talk to you about something, and I was going to in the last phone call but then I started telling you about everything else, and then we both had to go. So I guess it slipped my mind, well, no it did not really slip my mind, it is just that we didn't get to it, but my counselor really thinks that I should get your feedback on this and so I am calling again. I mean I know I should have..

"EVAN! Spit it out."

"Yeah...okay...I'm leaving in another 30 days. You know I have been here for 29 days now. I have been clean for 34, but here for 29, and I am definitely leaving after just 60. That should be a good time for me to leave. Everyone agrees and my counselor is really helping me to [rambling edited]. But that is not really why I am calling back.

"Okay..okay...there are lots of things that I want to do when I get out. I mean I really want to get a job. I have never wanted to get a job as much as I do now and I really want to go to school. You don't need to worry about me. I mean I really am dealing with things better and learning that it is better for feel my emotions and..."

"EVAN! Did you want to ask me something?"

FINALLY he gets to the plan: he wants to go visit J in Indiana when he gets out of rehab. This is something that he wants to do; that he needs to do; is an important part of dealing with his emotional well-being; dealing honestly with feelings that he has not been feeling; that the people at the rehab center want him to ask me what I think.

"I mean, will you freak out? I don't want to upset you and I don't want you to think that I don't like you and don't appreciate everything or that I don't want to live you with you. I really do. I want to come back and get a job and finish high school. Is that okay?"

"Which part?"

"Will you freak out if I go visit J in Indiana?"

"No. I am in a very Al-Anon space. You can tell your counselor, and he will understand, that I can maintain my serenity even if you go see J."

"Okay. Because it is really important that to me that you understand and can support me in this. What you think matters and I don't want to make any important decision without involving you and respecting your opinion." [Is he reading from a cue card?]

"That is not the same thing. My opinion is that going on a trip immediately after rehab is unwise. I think it would be better for you to spend at least a month at home doing the out-patient therapy you have been talking about."

"And that is a very valid concern." [He has GOT to be reading from a cue card.]

Anyway, we kept going around in circles. I kept saying that no I could not say that I "supported that decision" and no I would not freak out. He kept trying to figure out a way to phrase the question so that I would answer "yes" and he could report that "it was all right" with me if he went on the trip.


The backdrop to this is that the foster care agency previously told him that they would not buy him a ticket unless he completed the rehab center's recommendations. It was made clear that if the center recommended ("signed off on") 60 day stay with out-patient follow-up then that would be okay with everyone else. Evan is clearly trying to get the follow up plan to include visiting J as early as possible.

I am feeling like everyone knows it would be a bad idea for Evan to go visit J right away, but that no one wants to be the mean one who says no. Everyone wants to back up someone else. I am the best patsy for this. I am the non-professional. It would be easier (for them) if I could play the roll of anxious auntie and they could tell him that he needed to stay home "for me."

Sorry...not playing.

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