Respite is Easy

I mean, you just have to have the right information.

If you are told that a manipulative, sneaky princess is one of the easiest girls you have ever been sent, then you do silly things like trust her to run around the block, or wait outside the big-box store store for you. You attempt to engage her in conversation.

If you are told not to believe anything a girl says, let her out of the house alone, or use the phone, then you settle down into a quiet weekend of not going anywhere. She is thrilled because at your house she can drink all the milk she wants (woo hoo!) and at your husband humongous comedy DVD collection.

I might have to reconsider letting Rhonda come back sometime. She really isn't any worse then other girls I have had. I just have to get over the fact that I fell for her routine. I really don't know why Mandy claims she is one of the easiest girls, particularly since Mandy agreed that she was a manipulative princess and was not surprised by a single thing I told her. My only theory is that part of the calculation that Mandy uses is how much the girls fight with each other. And that isn't part of the equation here.

Ah...but yes, respite is easy.

Respite is to foster care what babysitting is to parenting, having company for two days is to being married, and buying new shoes is to wearing them all day.

The kids are on their best behavior. It is one of the inverse ratio things. The worse they have been at home, the more interested they are in proving to the world that the problem is not them and therefore the sweeter they are when they are away.

This is one of the dangers of sending your kids who have been making you crazy away. The precious days of quiet are wonderful. Picking up your child who has been slowly chipping away at your sanity only to be told, "He was such a dear! Anytime you want a break feel free to send him over. We just loved him" can make you a little nuts.

But when you are the respite provider, it is lovely. Mandy will show up later and I will say, "Oh, no problem. She ate rice crispies and chocolate milk and laughed over comedy shows all weekend. She can come back any time." Mandy will sigh and take the fight-inciting, shoplifting, lying, sneaking-off-to-have-sex-with-G-d-knows-who girl home.

How much different my life would have been if I had known that when we were involved with Ann.

Another Respite

Mandy just dropped off another respite girl, whom we shall call "TinaUrsula." [Updated: I forgot that I was up to "u".]

Tina comes with a warning label, in fact the exact same warning label I would have been useful with Rhonda.* Not that Ursula is a princess, although she could be. I am warned however not to believe anything she says, and not to let her go on walks else she will get into all sorts of trouble. Also not to let her have unsupervised access to the phone. Oh, and Mandy was very relieved to hear that Andrew was already planning on staying at a friend's tonight and off to the prom with his girlfriend tomorrow. Andrew has grown up with Mandy's girls in the house, and he is to be trusted. Still, Mandy is glad that she doesn't have to worry about that.

Tina is not the girl she originally asked me to take. That young woman is off at her grandmother's. Mandy is not sure that is going to stick and I have agreed to take her if need be.

I do wish that I had been warned about Rhonda. Andrew was right that the reason I was so upset with her was that I got taken in. If I had known from the beginning that she was a charming manipulator I wouldn't have fallen for it. Ursula is supposed to be worse, but I am prepared.

No worries.

___
*Click the label "Rhonda" if you want to read up on her.

More thoughts about princesses

In my post Re-Training a Princess Carolie said:

I'm a pretty cheerful person...and I was brought up to believe that even if I was in a nasty mood, I should at least act pleasant to those around me. I had a boss who was disgruntled allll the time. She hated computers, and had hired me to be her designer, and also to update her computer software. One day, she stuck her head in the office and said "oh, by the way, when you finish that, will we be able to blah blah blah(something to do with the new software)?" I said "No problem!" with a cheerful smile.She went ballistic, screaming at me not to condescend to her, and how dare I, stop that fake sh*t, etc., etc., etc. All I meant with my cheerful, smiling and sincere response was "I'd be happy to do that and should easily be able to fulfill your request, boss!" What she heard was "that's easy, you dumb bitch!" said with fake cheer.Where do you draw the line? After Rhonda has manipulated you with her eye-batting routine once, how do you know when she's manipulating, or whether you're reading in ulterior motives to her smiling demeanor? (I'm seriously asking, and not at all accusing you of misreading her!)

I think this is an incredibly important observation and I suspect the heart of the answer is in a recent post Gawdess wrote. Gawdess, in discussing her daughter's princess-like behavior, pointed out ways in which she was oblivious to others feelings.

And I think that might be really important. It might be that that obliviousness is what makes the behavior clear and distressing to those who live with princesses and invisible to those who merely interact with them occasionally. It may also be the answer to Mongoose's question in a comment on the same post:

Why does it matter if she's cute about asking for something she's allowed to have? For that matter, why does it even matter if she's cute about asking for something she isn't allowed to have, as long as you don't give in? I'm sure we all do it sooner or later.

It matters because it is not really the behavior. Oh any behavior repeated constantly can drive you up a wall. But princess behavior is a problem because, at the heart, it rests on a blindness to the needs and feelings of others. This is probably true of all sorts of manipulative techniques, of course.

But I wonder if that is the answer, such as it is.

After I wrote the post I began thinking about what it would be like if I could and did find a way to get Rhonda to stop engaging in princess behaviors. What if I taught her not to give me wide eyes, pouts, and pleading tones? How would she understand the lessons?

Would she see them as simply a different role to follow? A way to manipulate people who don't respond to her current skill set?

I don't know, and I confess that I am relieved that I will not have to figure it out, but I think that somehow the heart of the problem and the key to the solution has to do with teaching empathy.

Now if someone could just figure out how to do that, we would be all set!

I scared the princess

I frightened Rhonda last night. She has been asking if I am angry at her, and I don't know how to have a conversation about what she is doing that bothers me. The truth is that I just really don't like her, and I don't want tell that to the poor child.

On one hand she is off the charts on the princess scale. I have met wide-eyed, innocent, pouty manipulators before but I have never met anyone who lives at the furthest extreme of the spectrum. On the other hand, I can only believe that doing this has been essential to her survival. I am sure that underneath this princess behavior there is a girl who is afraid and behaving in the only way that has worked for her.

If she were mine I might be able to form an attachment or bond to her that would make me want to try to reach inside the princess and love the girl. I certainly would try.

As it is, well, she is leaving tomorrow. I don't have such an attachment to her, and I don't like her. I confess that I like her less than any foster child I have had to deal with. And that is remarkable considering that I have had kids who actually frightened me.

I behaved badly last night. I frightened the poor thing as badly as FosterAbba had frightened my dog.

Just as I was getting ready to go to bed they were loud and I knocked on the door and told them calmly and appropriately that they needed to be quiet so that I could sleep. Quiana who had spent the afternoon visiting with her mother, not napping as usual, was in bed looking quite exhausted. Quiana, by the way, spent more time primping for that visit than she had had for her boyfriend. I don't think her mother gets passes very often and I suspect that Quiana was emotionally exhausted as well. Rhonda simply nodded.

Five minutes later I heard Rhonda's pleading tones and I knocked and openned the door again. I said, "Rhonda, I am exhausted. You have to be quiet."

Rhonda, "Do you know how to play chess?"
Me: "Not well."
Rhonda, "Me either! Will you play with me?"
Me: "Rhonda, I am exhausted. I have to sleep."
Rhonda: "Pleeeeease?"

I'm afraid I just looked at her like she was a giant bug and shut the door.

Five minutes later I walked by the room and heard, "Pleeease?" It wasn't too loud, but I was furious. I, without cause, anticipated that it was going to get louder. I want to tell you that I was also acting out of concern for Quiana's tiredness, but I'm not sure that that wasn't just an excuse.

I really was exhausted to the point of tears. There has been no one thing that I have done that I did not want to do. Some things I have recently done, like have visitors, I really wanted to do. But still it was true that I had had respite kids and/or company in the house for three weeks. I had not got enough sleep and I wanted to have a good cry and run away.

So when I heard that "Pleeeease?" coming from the room I transformed into the evil-monster-mommy. I threw open the door and said, not loudly but with venom, "What are you demanding from Quiana now?"

Quiana said, "She wants to play chess."

Rhonda said something, but I honestly don't know what it was. I said, "Okay. I will take away the chess set." I picked it up and walked out.

It doesn't sound that bad does it? Trust me, you had to be there. It was all in the 'tude. That and startling the crap out of her by throwing open her door.

Hubby, uncharacteristically, suggested that I apologize for at least opening her door without knocking. I told him that I was psychologically incapable of apologizing to Rhonda for being insensitive to her needs. I did tell her this morning that I should not have frightened her so much and that I had been exhausted. She just nodded, looking at me a little fearfully and went on.

We are at a point where she knows, or suspects, that I do not like her or am mad at her and she honestly doesn't know why.

I want to sit down with her and say, "Rhonda. There's been tension between us and maybe we should talk about it." But I'm pretty sure she will respond with wide-eyed sweetness and say, "Will you take me to the store and buy me Star Crunchies?" So...no.

I need a nap. I need more than a nap. I need a vacation from children and animals. I need to have a grown-up day somewhere and have a massage.

Re-Training a Princess

I said I wanted to write a post on why the charming/innocent/wide-eyed princess behavior is so difficult to respond to. I don't necessarily mean that it is more difficult than other behaviors to deal with calmly. Which behaviors affect us emotionally depend on different factors, including our own personalities.

What I mean is that it is difficult to know how to respond to it. It is the sort of behavior that gets reinforced.

Let's take a simple case: imagine dealing with a kid who speaks disrespectfully to you. You can (1) clearly explain what behavior you want the child to stop; (2) explain and model the sort of behavior you want in its place; (3) refuse to respond to the negative behavior; and (4) reward the positive behavior.

Now it might not be easy to do this consistently, but at least you know what you need to do. The child calls you a b*tch and you pretend not to hear or remind the child that that is inappropriate. The child does not get your attention until after he or she addresses you appropriately.

See? Simple. Not necessarily easy to do, but simple to plan.

But what do you do about a Princess? How do you explain what is wrong with making your eyes too wide, or using that particularly sweet tone of voice, or smiling while making eye contact? How do you model the behavior you want? How do you explain to someone who is seven or fourteen or forty what the difference is?

But let's say somehow you manage that. Somehow you get the person to understand the difference. First, be sure to write up how you did it and send it to the rest of us. Second, you need to figure out how to only reward the non-manipulative behavior.

Please forgive me, but I'm going to give an example from dog training. You may know that if you want your dog to stop doing something, you must not reward the behavior, ever. Our Cattle Dog tends to bark at us when we are playing fetch with her. She brings us the ball and we pick it up (with the plastic ball-throwing device) and she barks at us. We have been trying to stop this behavior for years, but we haven't had much success. See, we want to throw the ball for her. That's the point of playing fetch. The goal is that whenever she barks, we drop our arm. When she calms down, we throw. And it would work too, except sometimes, actually quite often, she barks when we are in the beginning of a throw and we can't or don't stop. So though I know that I did not throw the ball because she barked, from her perspective, it just worked.

Princess behavior, lying, and other forms of manipulation are like that, only worse.

What do you do when you meet your little princess in the kitchen in the morning and ask, "Cereal or eggs?" and she bats her eyes at you and says, "Eggs, please." Do you not feed her? Calmly tell her that she can only have her eggs if she asks with less charm?

Of course you can stop rewarding the behavior in terms of no longer letting the kid get away with breaking the rules. That may help. But from the princess's perspective, the behavior continues to work, just not quite as well. Our princess engages in a behavior and sometimes gets what she wants, and so the behavior is rewarded, and the behavior continues.

I'm not saying that this behavior cannot be modified, but I am saying that it is really, really difficult. I do know that what must be done is beyond me. The thought of trying to explain what the behavior is that I want and then to insist upon it constantly is too much for me.

So I am committed to just not letting myself get pushed into doing something I don't want to do, and trying not to let myself get too annoyed by it.

I've done really well in the three hours I've been working on it. Rhonda (that seems like such a mis-fit name know that I know her) wanted to go to the store. I told her that I had already gone. She said, "If you go again will you take me?" I said something ambiguous. The truth is that I haven't told her that she is not allowed to go to the store with me. I'm not certain that she is really not allowed, I just know that I don't want to go anywhere with her. A couple hours later she came out and asked if I was going to go. I said no, Hubby was off shopping right now.

"But you promised you would tell me so I could go too!" Imagine here the face of someone who has just been betrayed by her very best friend.

"I don't remember saying that, but in any case you won't be able to get to the store tonight."

"Why not?"

"Because no one is going to take you."

"But I really want to go" she says, her lip almost trembling, eyes pitiful. I swear she looks like my dog does when I accidentally step on her tail.

"Sorry, you're not going." I find that right now I am managing to be impressed with the performance, which is better than being furious.

She holds the pitiful face, just looking at me.

I pat her on the shoulder and say, "Really good try, but you're not going."

She adds a dash of confusion to the look of pain and betrayal.

I go back to my book and eventually she walks off.

I have no illusions though. Sometime soon she will come up to ask me if she can do something that she is allowed to do. She will throw me her best, most charming look, and I will not even notice. I will say, "Of course you may."

And she will smile in triumph.

"So basically you're angry because..."

Have I mentioned recently that Andrew is very perceptive? He watches people. He understands them. He understands me.

I picked him up from a sleep-over and he got in and said, "What's wrong?"

I told him that I was having trouble shaking the mood over what Rhonda did last night. He knows me well enough to ask what happened this morning. "It was stupid. I don't even know why it upset me so much. I tried to make casual conversation and she interrupted me to ask for candy. I just keep seeing those wide innocent eyes and I feel angry all over again."

"So basically you're angry because you got taken?"

He's right, of course.

"Yeah, I guess so. I don't usually fall for their stuff!"

"I know. Why did you?"

"Mandy set me up. It's all her fault!"

Okay, I'll be the grownup, or I'll try.

It is the having been taken in that makes it so infuriating. I can understand that "charm and manipulate" technique has been her strategy for dealing with whatever it is that she has had to deal with. Who knows, it may have saved her life. Like all survival strategies it is not going to go away because it annoys me.

Right now, as I write I am calm, sane, and understanding. I could, and may later, write a long thoughtful post about how one could possibly deal with this behavior. It is one of those things that it is almost impossible not to reinforce in the course of daily activities. I mean, if a kid throws fits you can walk out and then give them attention when... wait ... I said I might write that post later.

The point is that that is the mood that I am in right now. I don't know if I will be able to hold it though. I mean, take a three second interaction we had when Hubby brought her home from school.

I expected her to be moody, angry or hurt because I had given her the cold shoulder this morning. She instead gave me a huge grin, wide eyes and said, "hi!"

And my initial, automatic reaction was to smile back in response. And she turned and walked off with a stride that seemed to me to be triumphant (although that could have been my imagination).

And I thought, "That's why there are so many stories about princesses locked up in towers."

I'm too tired to deal with this

The girls are making me crazy.

I think part of it is increased expectations, combined with the very high level of restriction that the girls are on. Mandy went on and on about how nice these girls were, suggesting that they are the very best behaved girls she had ever sent me.

They go to summer school and then fall asleep afterwards. I have not been getting them up, which I probably should. Sleeping half the day means of course that they are awake when I am asleep. I don't think there are doing anything worse that talking, laughing and eating, but who knows. Evan is up those hours, which is somehow comforting.

I took them shopping a couple of times but whenever I did they ask...wait, it is not "they"... it is always Rhonda. Only fourteen, taller than Quiana, and very wide-eyed and innocent, she is always the one to ask, "Yondalla, can we..." Quiana, sixteen, stays in the background, out of my peripheral vision even.

Okay...so we are in the big box store and the Rhonda says, her arms crossed around herself, almost shivering, "Yondalla, I'm so cold. Can we wait for you outside the door where it is warm?" Sure I say. I don't think it is cold, certainly whatever temperature it is inside has to be better than the 100 degrees it is outside, but sure, let them stand in the heat. They agree to stay outside the glass where I can see them. After a minute I go to the door and look out. They are going through the large stand-up ashtray looking for cigarette butts.

Okay, gross. On the up-side if they are digging for used butts they probably don't have their own cigarettes. It is annoying that I apparently can't let them out of my sight without them being gross, but at this point I have a sense of humor about it. I was told to keep them where I could see them. I'm annoyed that apparently I am to take that quite literally. We go to the next store and divide up. I rush around to buy the groceries and Hubby takes the kids to get a cold drink and makes them stay with him.

Last evening they pleaded to be allowed to go for a run. They were so restless; they haven't been able to get any exercise. Both are fairly fit young women; it is plausible that they do normally exercise. I first remind them that Mandy specifically said they could not go off on walks. "We will just run back and forth between here and the corner two blocks down" says Rhonda with wide-eyes. "So anytime I look out the window I will see you between here and there?" "Yes." "Okay, if I look and you are not there something very bad will happen."

You guessed it. I look out after a couple of minutes and they are not there. I am not pleased. I pace a while. I wait a while. After about ten minutes, I finally got into the van to drive around and look for them. Two blocks away, right next to their running route there is a Walgr*en's. I went there first. Just as I got out of the van they came around the corner. Immediately the deep, "we've just been running really hard" breathing started.

I have always found that the tone in, "Go ahead. Make my day." is much more intimidating than screaming. So I say, "Get in the van" using my best scary, quiet, calm, "you are in danger of dying" voice.

Rhonda gives me the wide eyes and says, "We just wanted to get a drink of water."

"You were supposed to stay on that two blocks of sidewalk."

"We didn't think we couldn't get a drink of water!" This is a innocent, hurt tone. How can a fourteen-year-old make her eyes that big and wounded-looking?

"I was very clear about what you could do, and you did not do it. Get in the van."

"We're sorry" says Rhonda, again innocent and hurt.

I drive us back to the house, when they get out of the van I tell them to stand still a minute. "Do either of you have pockets or anywhere else that you could be hiding things?" (Their clothes are pretty skin tight. If they are hiding anything it is someplace I'm not searching.) "No."

"Okay. Go inside."

"We are sorry" says Rhonda again.

"Okay. Just don't even ask to leave the property again."

I have a feeling I am over-reacting, but I am having trouble dialing it down. I'm used to kids who don't abuse the first bit of freedom I give them. They are supposed to appear responsible and lull me into trusting them, and then start sneaking off. There is a certain order to the universe. Don't they know that in the long run they will get away with so much more if they act trustworthy in the beginning?

So they spent the evening in their room -- fine with me. Rhonda came out to ask for help getting her laundry done. Fortunately laundry is Hubby's area so he showed her how to use the machines.

This morning I drove them to school. I got in the van deciding to be nice. I would engage them like nothing had happened. Last night was behind us (emotionally, not in terms of consequences). I said, "Huh, I wonder who did that?" pointing to something that seems odd though not important to me. Rhonda says, "What?" "There is a barrier over there that's new, I was just wondering..." "Can I have one of those?" "What?" "Can I have one of those?" Rhonda is pointing at TicTacs.

All the anger at her just came flooding back.

I turned on NPR thinking, "I just dare you to ask for a different radio station." Now I drove safely and slowly, but I confess my starts and stops did somewhat reflect my frustration. We went to school in silence.

I drove back thinking, "I said they weren't leaving the property, and by G-d I mean it. I'm not taking them shopping. I'm not taking them anywhere. They can spend the next four days sitting in the house or the back yard."

Now I am blogging in order to vent some of this emotion so that I can figure out how to deal with this rationally.

Quiana's social worker was the one to call me about the huffing and said that he did not think that Quiana was huffing, or that if she was that she would report herself. He did say, "I know she smokes though." She is two years older and has a harder quality about her. I would not be surprised if she is the disobedient force pushing the relatively innocent Rhonda out in front to get permission to do things.

Or maybe Rhonda has just used this "I'm sweet and innocent and I can't imagine why you are upset. I didn't do anything" routine for a long time.

Of course partly I am tired. I shouldn't be doing three weeks of respite. Faye for two weeks, along with her current issues which I got emotionally involved with, now two little girls who want to find ways to get around the rules. I really shouldn't have.

But it is not just that I am tired. The girls have demonstrated that as sweet and innocent and giggly as they may appear, they are not to be trusted.

And Gawdess will understand this...it's the sweet, innocent, wide-eyed thing that takes me from irritated to angry. Mandy assures me that Rhonda is a "really good girl, one of my best, you'll love her" and I wonder, has she fallen for this routine?

Four more days.

The Giggling

I forgot how much teenage girls giggle.

Most of the girls that I get from Mandy are earnest, concerned about their future, or at the very least wanting to complain about the other girls at the house. Sometimes they are happy, but even then it is a quieter thing. They seem older than their years, and yet less skilled than their peers.

But these girls. They are so normal, at least so far.

They giggle. They wanted to watch Finding Nemo. The chatted with each other. They giggled. I finally asked them what was so funny, which made them giggle so hard they could hardly breathe. I don't think they were really laughing about anything.

I took them grocery shopping and they were thrilled that I would allow them to pick out some things. I was going for basic healthy foods. They were cautious at first, but once I let them pick out a flavor of ice cream they started asking for chips and soda, which I refused.

They have summer school, which means that they are gone for 4 hours every morning.

--

The phone just rang. It was Quiana social worker. She told her mom that that the girls were huffing hair spray. Quiana was not clear about which girls she was talking about. Did it include Rhonda? Herself? The social worker wants me to make certain they don't have any hair spray and would like for me to guard all the huffable substances.

I'm not even certain what those are.

Sigh.

I'm not certain about everything that is huffable. Anyone know?

New Respite Girls

Mandy just dropped off two girls. Originally she said that Olivia would be coming, who is her actual niece. She got permission though to take Olivia with her, out of state, so I have two girls whom I have never met before.

So they need blog names. I'm up to Q. There are not a lot of good "Q" names though. I refuse to call a girl "Queenie." So Quiana it is, I guess. I'll call the other one Rhonda. (Quiana is the one with lighter hair; just so you know....actually just so I'll remember).

When Mandy dropped them off she told them that she only brings me the best girls, so they have to be good. Mandy, as I have mentioned before, works for a different private program, one that specializes in kids with behavioral issues, although sometimes she gets girls only because she takes teenage girls and not a lot of people do.

Still, the rules require me to babysit them. They are not allowed to leave the property alone. One has a boyfriend who may visit for a couple of hours, but they have to stay in line of sight. Limited phone calls. All that.

In any case I find I am glad that there are two of them. Hopefully they will entertain each other and not puppy-dog me very much.

I'm just a teensy bit tired after Faye's visit.

The Respite Kids

The Respite Kids

I never kept a record of the kids who have been here on respite, but I thought I would try to remember as many as I could. This record is mostly for me, but maybe some of you will be interested...

Ann: started as a respite, but was placed with us for a while.

Bella: came with one of the "Christy's" when Carl still lived with us. She fell asleep on the floor and Christy and Carl put make-up on her face. That would not have been such a big deal, except that she was allergic and woke up with quite a rash. We saw her often. She was the one who overheard Ann yelling at Hubby and informed Carl of what was going on the next day at Job Corps. She is now married with a small baby. First visit: summer 2000.

Christy: The name I will give in retrospect to cover 3 to 5 (?) girls who came for just one weekend anywhere from 2001-2005.

Debra: A very responsible young woman who did very well at Mandy’s. She appreciated the structure and lived there for several years. First visit: 2001.

X: A boy who spent one weekend with us and whose brother stole Andrew’s handheld gaming system. (I actually think he was in on the plot and I don’t want to give him a real name.) Only visit: Spring 2005

Miss E – A girl who came for the first time in early 2006. She has come for respite on multiple occasions. I drove her to school during the 06-07 school year. Post on her start here.

Faye: a girl who at first was sullen and pouty who blossomed under Mandy’s care. Her aunt got licensed and Faye lived with her for perhaps two years. She visited here first in 2004 and was back in June 2007 for two weeks. Click the label "Faye" for posts from those two weeks, bad boyfriend and all.

Georgia (previously “N”): a young woman dear to all our hearts. Everyone’s favorite. She surprised everyone by fighting with Mandy and landing herself in detention for a couple of months. Is currently living on her own, working, and hoping to start college. First visit Spring 06. I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII

Helene (previously “T”): a girl for whom I did respite while her foster sister had a baby, and then did day care for in the summer of 2006. She was moved to a residential facility and has run away. I, II, III

Irene (previously V): frightened girl of perhaps 13 who came with Miss E the night Georgia hit Mandy. She was moved quickly. I remember thinking that Miss E was not good for her.

Jackie: Young woman who came in October 2006 for a long weekend. Presents as responsible and dependable, but comes with a warning label. She and Evan know each other from the teen shelter. Jackie did really well, stayed with Mandy until her after 18th birthday and is now (May 2007) transitioning into independence. I, II, III (and many more, search or click on Jackie label).

Kellie (previously S): Young woman who stayed for a while in June 2006.

Linda, a young woman who almost stayed with us in Nov 2006 when Mandy took her foster sister Jackie to a family funeral. I had her for an evening and had to take her to a teen shelter because her social worker said my license wasn't good enough. The social worker later apologized and said that I could have taken her.

Maria, a 17-year old who came with very little notice when she got out of detention (November 2006). I, II, III, IV

Nancy, a 16 year old who joined us suddenly after a blow-out with another respite provider.

Olivia & Pam, who came together in May 2007. Olivia is Mandy's neice, Mandy being the woman for whom I most often provide respite. As of January 2008, Mandy is hoping to get legal guardianship of her and her younger sister, Sara.

Quiana and Rhonda, who came together in June of 2007. Rhonda suffered from a severe case of princess syndrome.

Sara, Olivia's younger sister who came with Olivia for the first time for New Year (08). Sara was just eleven, very young for me.