Saturday, November 04, 2006

Still debating

Andrew and Brian are both absolutely willing to give up their bedrooms for five weeks. The hitch is that the person they would have to give it up to would be Evan.

Maria is a cute 17-year-old girl and though Andrew has never shown (around me anyway) any interest in boys or girls, I don't think having them in the basement level together for any length of time is wise. If for no other reason than that it is a perfect set-up for confusion leading to false allegations. So if Maria stays for more than a week, Evan will have to give up his room and move down to share with the boys. Evan is willing to do it, if Marie really needs him to. He sees it as the right thing to do, which he would rather not have to do, and I don't blame him.

I spoke with Mandy and she is willing to have Maria spend Monday while we are all in school with her. Maria and I went up yesterday for half an hour. Mandy's three-year-old and one-year-old grandsons were there. The baby slept while the older was running around putting lotion on his face -- and hair. He was quite silly and Maria laughed. I think it was the first time I have heard her laugh. Jackie, who was "fine, I'm keeping busy so I don't have to think about stuff", had a good-natured debate with Mandy which was interrupted by the grandson waving his arms saying, "No...bruzzer seep...shhhh."

So Maria is willing to spend the day there on Monday. She could even go several days in a row, or even all week, if necessary.

I will talk to her social workers and see what they want to do next. No one wants for this girl to keep bouncing from one spot to another. I like her and am on verge of telling Evan to pack up his things and move downstairs. I confess though that I hope the social workers find her somewhere good to be quickly.

The current situation isn't fair to anyone, but it is not like there is some authority to whom we can appeal the injustice. The truth is that there are not enough homes. There are especially not enough people who are willing to take teenagers, especially 17-year-old teenagers.

A note about the social workers. Right now Maria has two. First there is Evan's social worker, who I believed I have previously called "Brenda." She is the nice, young woman whom I really like and yet wish were more experienced who has now become the family developer. The second is new to the agency, but a bit older, who is taking over Brenda's case load. She's the the one who told the Sushi story. Anyone got any good suggestions for names for her?


  1. No ideas on names, just letting you know I'm around.

  2. How about Ms. Fish? Ah the room juggle. A familar puzzle. And you are right, there are few homes for these kiddos. Hey few people want their own teens, much less other peoples!

  3. Ms. Fish? Is this a character I should know?

    Is it the friendly squib in the Harry Potter stories, is that her name?

  4. It's tough to know what's the right thing to do in these circumstances. We had mixed feelings about taking another kid after "Ana" ran off, and mixed feelings about her coming back for the second time.

    And, certainly, there are even more mixed feelings about the situation now that "Ana" ran a second time. What will we do if they find her again?

    It's tough to parent teens even when you have a "normal," long-standing birth relationship with them. It's even harder when you don't have that long-standing bond of trust with them. When you combine that with the fact that most teens don't want to be parented, it makes it really hard for people to want to do the job.

    Would I take another teen? Probably. I would have to think about how it would affect "Danielle" though, because she is such a high-needs kid.

    As for what to do about Maria, I can definitely see how you would want to give her some stability, but feel torn about disrupting your current household while you wait for Evan's departure. It's a tough decision, especially when you also want to keep helping gay youth.


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