Friday, December 26, 2008

It was fun for a while

I have reached a new level of peace with the world. I can say things like, "Don't worry about. We will go ahead and open our presents now and when you get here you can open yours" and not be the least bit sarcastic about it.

I was much more go-with-the-flow, release all expectations, and that was a good thing.

We had a pretty good day. Roland gave me key finder that beeps loudly when someone whistles, or the dog barks, or someone laughs just so, or if the TV hits a certain note. Everyone had fun with that. Evan and David seemed to really like their robes. Actually I think everyone was pretty content.

Evan got here late because he works nights and so 9:00am is as unreasonable an hour for him as 3:00am is to me. He brought his boyfriend who looks fourteen, but thanks to heaven isn't. David got here around 11:30 and also brought a boyfriend. His boyfriend is older, but not too much older. They brought along David's tiny Yorkie. The Shih Tzu spent most of the day hiding. When Brian carried him out to sit in his lap the poor dog shivered in terror. After about four hours he calmed down and decided that the Yorkie was probably not going to kill him.

The food was good, although not everything came out as expected. Roland shook his head over the roast because I cooked it too rare. He just cut pieces off the end and a couple in the middle. I had to go back into the kitchen and slice up the middle so that those of us who know how meat should be prepared could enjoy ours. We ate lamb, which Evan's boyfriend had never eaten before and also found vaguely sacreligious -- eating lamb on the birthday of the lamb of G-d. Not that he is religious, but it just seemed wrong to him, like eating rabbit on Easter.

My mother sent Roland, Andrew, Brian and Gary all pj pants, as is her custom. She labeled Gary's "To Gary or foster son." She wasn't sure she had the name right, which is partly my fault. I don't call her often enough. Of course she could have called me before she mailed it, or just left it blank.

Roland's parents gave all three boys gift cards to iTunes. Gary's was for half as much as Andrew's or Brian's. I am going to have to figure out a way to let them know that that is just not cool. I understand and accept that they stop giving gifts to boys after they move out of the house. If they give gifts to the boys here though they can't be of obvious different value.

Gary was appreciative of what he got though, and did not seem to expect more.

I don't think his father called him, although I did not ask.

Late in the evening Carl called. He had a tale of woe, much of which is probably true, but I am never sure. His life is currently at a cross-roads or in the toilet -- sort of glass have full/empty situation. He asked for money to help him through the next couple of weeks. We debated for a while but when it was finally clear that he wanted about as much as we spent on the older boys for Christmas presents we agreed. I hadn't sent him anything because I wasn't sure where he was, and I did sort of think of the bus ticket as a combo birthday-Christmas ticket.

Brian and Gary got into a tussle at the end of the day. It was pretty minor. Brian has a tendency to over play his injuries, especially if he thinks people are not believing him when he says it hurts. Gary on the other hand doesn't like to admit to pain and even when he does it is in a matter of fact way that leaves you wondering if he is seriously injured or just letting you know that his last workout left him a little sore. Anyway, Gary used a martial arts move, pulling Brian's arm into a decidedly uncomfortable position after Brian, wanting Gary to look at something, wouldn't let go of Gary's shirt. There was crying from one boy and eye rolling from the other. We are establishing two rules: 1) nobody attempts to physically restrain others from leaving and 2) nobody may use any martial arts move or other physical force on anyone outside the gym.

So it was an okay day. Gary spent a good deal of time in his bedroom, which is cool. If that is what he needs to do to cope, it is okay with me.

And now I am tired.


  1. Psst... Remember me? My blog is up and open again finally about my several month long siesta!

    Anyways! On to this post... I remember Christmas being like this, though Gary got out lucky when it comes down to my story... I remember the Christmas of getting the book, candy bar, and cd (didn't even have anything to play it on), while the biological kids got CD Players, Gift Cards, pagers, clothes, etc... I also remember the Christmas's that went by when I didn't get a single thing too...

    Guess thats why I hate Christmas now and view it as an overly commericalized holiday... And just for the record... I didn't get anything this year either!

  2. Overall, Gary hauled in as much stuff as Brian, both of whom got more than the older boys. The gift certificate was the only disparity I noticed, but it was one from a source I did not expect. Perhaps the inlaws have always spent less on the foster kids and I didn't notice. It is of course more obvious when you are dealing with a gift card that is more obvious.

    Oh, and welcome back Girlspeaks!

  3. I'm so glad you pay attention to keeping things even as much as possible. I'll never forget the one foster mom I spoke to (as I was preparing to go to committee for adoption (ultimately I wasn't selected for that boy)). She talked about how the boy had big issues with jealously and that he was hyper-focused on belongings. She complained and complained about that. Then, she mentioned how she doesn't know why he's like that because he's allowed to borrow some of her (bio) kids toys and all he has to do is ask. Then she went on to say that she doesn't ever let her foster kids have stuff of their own because "most of them are too destructive so it's just a waste of money."

    Ugh! I was sick to my stomach about that.

    In any case, I'm glad you had a Merry Christmas. Ours went well, too.

  4. Glad your Christmas went well. I am quite fortunate in that my family overspends on all my kids. In fact, I think they might spend more on my kids than the bio kids just to make up for those years that they didn't have. JB and I both marvelled at the gobs of toys they got. Not that I am complaining :)

  5. Well (S) our foster daughter made out like a bandit. Her parents got her a bundle of things and so did we. Since our kids are grown and out of the house,(30, 27,26) there is no one to keep up with, but our kids still say we are spoiling S and giving her more than we ever gave them.....Oh well. We just tell them we love her more. :)


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