Tuesday, December 02, 2008

He's so great

...just ask him. He will tell you all about it.

I'm talking about Gary and MMA of course.

Did you know that he is great? That he is stronger than almost everyone? That he can bring down giants, get out of any hold, and is stronger than an ox?


Well, then clearly you haven't been at my house at all the past few weeks.

Okay, I'm glad he is good at something and I am glad that he is happy. I am also glad that he is good at something that occupies his time and uses up some physical energy so I can delude myself into believing that will make him less likely to engage in sexual activity. (It works for girls, right? And it isn't like this is a high school sport with cheerleaders.)

He is getting very excited about going to competitions. This will require travel out of state, probably with over-night stays, with the people from the dojo. That will require of course that someone from the dojo go through a criminal back ground check. Oh, and someone will have to give him permission to travel and to fight.

For those of you who don't know, MMA is not like the controlled Karate competitions us middle-aged folks participated in (or vaguely heard about) when we were young. If your kid is in MMA you get reassurances from him that he wouldn't be hurt because, "if your opponent like gets you pinned down and is just punching and punching you and you can't get up, the ref will call off him off. I mean, he will win, but you won't get seriously injured. The trick though is to be able to throw him off so you only get punched a few times."

Oh, I feel much better now.

And for some mysterious reason he apparently can only fight as a minior if he signs a pro-contract. "That means I could google my name and find ME!"

What the fricative does that mean? He is a minor. Isn't that a reason for NOT being able to sign a professional contract? Wouldn't that mean that any competition would have to be an amateur one?

Please someone tell me that he is just confused.

It really is possible. Like many of my kids I have learned that he is capable of believing what he wants to be true. Like he thinks that you only need a bachelors to be a physical therapist because that is the only degree that he saw framed on the wall when he was getting physical therapy -- even though I asked the therapist in front of Gary how long he had to go to school and he explained that you needed a masters. Or that he didn't have to do that big paper in Art History which he knows full well he had to do (I know because he was stressing about it right up and the teacher was expressing concern about how he wasn't turning in the research materials or the rough draft). He decided that since he didn't have to do the big English paper that the students did all the reading for before he joined the school that he didn't have to do the Art History one either because...oh heck, I don't know. He just decided he didn't have to do it.

So this, "I can fight as a minor but only if I sign a pro contract" is just another wishful teenage confusion? Right?



  1. Your first paragraph reminds me of a doctor I once had. I dubbed him Dr. Figjam, which is an Australian slang acronym for "F" I'm good, just as ME!

    There is no way they can require a minor to sign a professional contract. That's ludicrous.

  2. I wold think so. Or perhaps it's his way of getting the pro-contract that he wants, but without telling you directly.

    Like a teen who asks if they can go on vacation with their best friend and her "mom and stepdad" which sounds all safe and normal. But when asked when the mom got married the teen reveals that "they aren't technically married yet because he isn't divorced from his other wife". And upon yet more prying the teen finally reveals that "their friend T is going too". And then months later you find out that said teen was dating T. So what the teen was really asking was if she could go on a week long sexcapade with an older boy with a criminal record.

    I would call the dojo to find out for sure before signing anything. Or rather getting his worker to sign anything.

    It's great that he has found something he is interested in!

  3. M&Co.12:07 PM

    I don't know about the amateur vs. professional but my brother is involved with MMA and I seem to recall that they made all their instructors get criminal background checks. So maybe that won't be the hard part.

  4. I am so glad to know I am not the only parent whose children are delusional! I have learned to just nod, cause arguing with them is a waste of time and good oxygen for breathing.

  5. My son does MMA. I'll ask him about the pro contract deal.

  6. dont know much about MMA, but I dont understand it. Chances are that he is not confused, because getting kids into sports these days are a seriours game. I say, get a bunch of kids in the neighborhood and put them in the back yard and let them play what they want....but atlas, those days are over.


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