Saturday, September 06, 2008

Sex Education and Being the Mother of Boys

Gary has three hickies. Three.

So yeah, we had the talk. By the way, I find the car the very best place to talk to teenagers about sex. It is easier to talk about some things if you don't make eye contact, and not making eye contact in the car doesn't feel strange. Also they can't tell you that they know all that stuff and walk away.

He told me he was too shy to have sex, whatever that means. I told him that I would vastly prefer for him to wait years before becoming sexually active. "Years?" he said in surprise. "Yes, years." I also told him that I would also prefer to buy him condoms than have him engaging in unprotected sex. He was embarrassed but said that he got it, really.

I also said that it is different being the parent of a girls and boys in this way. I know that some people would think that if there was the pregnancy it is really the girl's "problem," but I didn't. He agreed that the boy was just as much involved as the girl. I told him though that if he was a girl showing up with hickies I would be able to consider just putting her on the pill. That wouldn't protect her from diseases, but I would know that she wasn't going to get pregnant before she was ready. I did not have that option with him though. There was no pill. All I could do was lecture and hope he behaved responsibly.

"So expect regular lectures, lots and lots of lectures."


  1. For those not keeping count: extravagant present = no martial arts class, no bus money, and 3 hickeys!

    From this we can conclude that advances on allowance are a contributing factor in teen pregnancy.


  2. Funny...let's see what happens when he actually gives her the present! The present has just been ordered.

    oh...and I thought I would mention that I didn't mean to imply that I would force a girl to take the pill. I have no idea what I would do...

  3. I took a lot of heat from family and church friends for not only taking my daughter and getting her put on the shot, but for getting condoms for her and regularly checking her stash to make sure she had plenty. Even my hubby wasn't happy about it at first.

    But the fact is, teenagers are teenagers. Their bodies are way more mature than their minds and in their world, it makes total sense to test drive as many vehicles as you can before deciding which model you like best.

    And yes, I believe in abstinence. My other daughter did the True Love Waits thing and I'm proud of her.

    But making a baby at 16 or worse yet, having to deal with HIV medication for the rest of your (abbreviated) life, is not the choice I want for my child, all because she got caught up in a moment of stupidity masquerading as young love.

    And I didn't force my daughter to get on the shot. She was fine with it- no period for 3 months at a time, boobs grow (what teen girl doesn't want that?!), and no risk of having to change diapers or wipe barf off your shirt.

    It helped that we have 2 under 2 yrs old right now- a great incentive for not wanting to get up for midnight feedings when you have an english exam the next day.

    One thing that might work with Gary (he sounds delightful by the way, did I mention that? Like a child you dream of having, not what you'd expect from the profile you got) is to show him the breakdown of what money will be like if he fathers a kid.

    I saw one online somewhere, some abstinence site I think- but it showed what an 18 yr old would probably earn if he graduated, and went to college full time, worked part time, vs one that had to work at burger king to support a kid. Then it showed income post college degree (no child support) minus normall living expenses vs the minimum wage minus child support and living expenses and so forth.

    I know it made us sit up and think. Boys don't like the thought of not having money to shoot pool or buy a car etc, and that might help.

    Altogether though, it sounds as though Gary is pretty Normal. Pretty cool. I'm glad!


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