Subtle Progress

I wouldn't normally blog about this, but since I have blogged about my feelings towards my husband regarding the debt, and about how I was trying to get over it, and then about what might be making it more difficult, I thought I would also blog about improvement in my attitude.

I was trying to tell him something last night. This first part is a little vague, cause I don't want to get off-topic. There is a commentator on television whom we both dislike, but whom other people do like. This commentator said something that I am very glad he said to his audience. There's all this noise and buzz, but I am glad that he said that one thing. I was trying to express to Roland that hearing that this guy said that made me happy and just a little bit more hopeful.

So the conversation went something like this, "So-and-so said..."

"He's such a jerk!"

"I know, but he said that [snip].."

"And now I guess the whole world will suddenly wake up and change their minds!"

"No, I mean, I wanted to tell you something about it."

"You just did."

"No. I wanted to tell you that I am GLAD he said it. I mean, there are implications about what he said."

"No kidding. That guy is a self-righteous, narcissistic, ass. I don't know why anyone would listen to him anyway."

"Dammit! I am trying to make a point here."

"That the guy is a self-righteous, narcissistic ass?" Now Roland is grinning and thinking he is funny.

"No! about..."

"So you don't think he is a self-righteous, narcissistic ass?" (Isn't Roland just SO FUNNY?)

"Dammit will you listen to me? Just shut up a minute!"

Roland just shut up. I told him what I want to tell him. He listened. Then he said, "you might be right." After that he went to his computer and started to work.

And I sat in my chair and realized that that emotional door that has been slamming shut whenever I get into conflict with him hadn't slammed shut. I realized that two weeks ago I would not have kept pushing in that conversation. I would have said "oh, forget it" and sat there fuming silently about how he doesn't listen and how tired I was of him not listening.

I did feel irritated with him, but it was the old kind of irritation, the sort that I know is going to quickly fade away.

So that's progress, and I thought I would tell you.

Oh, he finally got the last of the information I needed to send off the packet to the financial advisor (the last delay wasn't his fault, he had to wait for a mock-up of his pay stub from the new job). That is also adding to my sense of relief, I am sure.