Present-Buying Quandries...

If you have more than one child you know about the challenge of fairness.

I really enjoy Christmas -- or at least I used to.

In my home there was a game to it. You were supposed to surprise other people in the family. The best gift was not the most expensive, but the most unexpected. We were ruthless. We squeezed and shook our presents. We guessed. We tried to trick the other into telling us what our presents were. One year, afraid that my mother would be able to guess that the large box held the special standing bag for knitting she had too-recently admired, I tied jingle bells to it. When she shook it and it made noise I assured her that I would be able to put it back together. She kept coming back, trying to figure out exactly what the noise was and asking me if I was sure it wasn't broken.

Of course if you were going to surprise someone you could not ask what they wanted. To this day I feel just a bit unloved when someone asks me to tell them what I want for Christmas. Roland sadly thought in the beginning of our relationship that this meant that it wasn't important to me what I got. His family asks, then they buy something on the list they were given. Everyone gets what they want and everyone is happy. Our first few Christmases were cultural clashes, but I won't go into that now.

So Christmas is a challenge for me. I feel like I am cheating unless I can think of something the recipient has not asked for. I need to surprise him or her. I want the gift to show that I thought about him.

But I know that part of what will happen on Christmas morning is that the children (some more than others) will calculate whether I have spent more money on one than another. They will compare. Even if they cost exactly the same amount, if one boy is more pleased with his gift than another, the one who is less pleased will feel slighted.

It can just sap all the fun out of it.

This year though I am trying to find my own Christmas spirit again. I gave myself a fairly low budget for each boy, and I am trying hard to think of something for each one that will surprise and please each one.

What to get for Andrew and David came quickly. For each of them I knew exactly what I wanted to get them as soon as I even considered it. I haven't come up with anything for Brian, but he is 13. I'll think of something.

Evan though is a stumper. He is a frugal young man, but if he really wants something he gets it for himself. I bought something already, but the more I look at it the more stupid it clearly is. I will have to take it back. I just can't think...