Thursday, December 20, 2007

Did I Say "Empty Bedroom"?

Shame on me. You know I shouldn't go around talking about how nice it is to have an empty bedroom. It's like telling your spouse that you got a bonus in front of the car.


Since I started this post I have had a couple of phone calls. I deleted previously written paragraphs recording my debates. I will give you the bottom line.

They called us because David's younger brother, who just turned 17, needs a new place. The only reason they thought to call us is that he is David's brother. Well, more than that. Because he is David's brother he knows us a little. We are not complete strangers to him. He is not however a kid they would typically ask us to consider.

David has issues with his brother. It is at least as much about David as it is about his brother. It is about David having been the one who had to get everybody fed and clothed. It is about David having to be responsible for everything and everyone. And it is about David learning to survive by turning off and moving on. He does not work out problems in relationships; he finds new ones.

I told the social worker that if taking the brother would make David reluctant to visit, then I wouldn't do it. I called David and talked to him for a while. Now I will call back the worker and tell him I won't take the brother.

If I were in charge of David's goals in life, I would make developing a healthier relationship with his brother one of his priorities. But I am not in charge of David's goals. One of my slogans has been, "the needs of the kids I already have come before the needs of the kids I might have."

I feel sad about saying no, but I know it is the right thing for me to do.


  1. Sometimes the wisdom in your decisionmaking astounds me.

    You are an excellent mother. Truly tip-top, I think.

  2. Ditto to the previous comment.

  3. Good decision. Good decision.

  4. Sorry you had to make that decision...but yeah, ditto on everyone above me.


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