We are just not there yet

I had a bad day yesterday.

I've had an undercurrent of sad because Evan is moving away. Oh I can be cheerful and happy, but I know it is there. I know it is there because when something worth getting upset about comes along I take full advantage of it.

So when Hubby called and said that autoshop* said that fixing my car would cost about $100 more than an on-line car value estimator says I could expect to get for it as a trade-in from a local dealer, I was bummed. I had the distinct pleasure of knowing that we would not have to go into debt because I have not been paid yet for driving Miss E to school, and if I put all the money that they owe me so far I will have most of it. So I walked around telling myself that I was supposed to feel grown-up and pleased that I could afford to pay this bill without affecting our monthly budget at all, and not pout because I had planned on buying new clothes for me and taking Evan out for a nice graduation dinner (with family) and still having money left over for savings.

So I was feeling whiny and irritated at myself for feeling that way. I was not feeling strong.

And then the newspaper called. A reporter wants to do a local story about the evil anti-gay marriage amendment (although she did not call it that). She really wants to interview a local gay or lesbian couple. Can I find one who is willing to have their photo and name in the paper? Well I can try.

An hour later I shut myself in my bedroom and cried. Four times I was told, "We're really out. All of our friends and everyone we work with knows, but I/my partner can't be out to every single parent of her students/customers/parents of our child's friends. We really want to help, but this is a small town and we live and work here and we just don't think we can take that risk."

And they are right. I thought about about calling the reporter and telling her that Hubby and I would do it. Okay, so we are not a gay couple, but we are PFLAG parents, and we can put a face on the issue. I don't have anything to worry about, college students don't read the local paper (and I am out on campus anyway). Hubby probably doesn't have anything to worry about. He is a special education teacher in high demand. How do I feel though about my sons going to school and having kids they don't know saying, "So, I saw your parents in the paper yesterday. Are the f*g or the f*g's brother?"

Like I said, I cried.

It's not safe enough for people to explain that it is unsafe.


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*I really trust my local autoshop. On more than one occassion they have told me that they fixed my problem by reattaching or tightening something and there would be no charge. And yesterday was not the first time they said something to the effect of, "How long are you going to keep this car? Because it is not safe to drive at all unless you do X, but if you are going to get rid of it in the next year anyway, you could not do Y."