It's the dishes, darling

I was not out of control furious, but I was mad.

Every day I come home, a little earlier than I would otherwise, so that I can give him a ride to school. Every day I say something like, "Evan, I would really appreciate it if you would take care of the kitchen while we are gone. You know, unload and load the dishwasher." or "Evan, it really makes me mad that you don't at least unload and load the dishwasher when we are all gone. You are not working and when I come home I am tired and seeing your dirty dishes piled up on the counter with the dishwasher full of clean dishes is really aggravating."

He of course says, "I know, I know. I'm sorry, okay?" Sometimes he tells me he was busy and I ask him what he was busy doing. Whatever it is it is not something he wants to tell me. Sometimes he assures me that he doesn't forget on purpose. He is not leaving it undone because he wants to upset me. I have tried to explain that I am angry because he has been thoughtless, not because I think he has been malicious.

So today I came in and the dishwasher was full of dirty dishes and Evan's dishes for the day were piled on the counter. I had a long day at work and I have a pile of grading to do (and I do not have time to write this blog post or the ones I wrote this morning), and the club for which I am an advisor is meeting at 7:00. So here is how it went down:

"EVAN. It pisses me off that you don't do anything in the kitchen! I am getting tired of this!"

"I'm sorry..." he's in his room and whatever comes after that isn't clear.

"I mean I know that this time it was also necessary to add detergent and turn it on, but I don't think that takes too much time out of your busy schedule."

"You don't have to get sarcastic about it."

"You know, I think I do. I'm tired. I have a pile of work to do. You are not working and don't have anything to do all day and expecting you to help out is not unreasonable." (I get very wordy when I am angry).

"Oh yeah, like I never help out around here?"

"Excuse me? Are you suggesting that you do help out? I am clearly missing all the extraordinary effort you have been putting in. What are these tasks that you have done which I have clearly missed?"

"Uh...what?"

Yeah, it was sarcastic of me. Down right snarky. I let him drive to school but I didn't say anything to him.

But I will behave like a grown-up and a parent when he comes home tonight. Unless he gets a job and is working during the day, if kitchen isn't clean when I come home, he doesn't get a ride to school. Period. No arguing, no snarky comments.

Much better that way.