Friday, October 27, 2006

Evan thinks about the next kid

For the past few months, Evan has asking me to reassure him that I will not get a new kid right away. He has wanted me to tell him that we will take a break. His feeling has been that if a new kid moves in right away that will make him feel that our house is something akin to a factory, and he is just one more widget.

I have told him that we will take the next kid when the next kid comes. We have always said it was about the right kid, not the right time. I have also told him that we have asked for breaks in the past because the last few months with kids were tiring and we needed a break. If we did take a kid right away that would be an indication that he was easier on us. (Also an indication that all my therapy paid off, but I don't tell him that.) That did not make a difference to him. He still wanted for us to take a couple of months off.

I understand why he has felt that way, but it doesn't change anything. We will not turn away a kid who is a good fit for our family because Evan prefers for us to have a respectful period of mourning first. But it does not really matter. We typically have a couple of months between placements, and the social workers have told me that there is no one currently in or applying to the program who fits our profile.

The other day I told Evan that I thought it would be cool if they did come up with a kid for us to meet before he left. I would like for him to be able to meet the new kid and I would like for the new kid to be able to meet him.

Evan likes that idea. Last night he asked if I was going to do that. Was I going to get a kid soon so that he could meet him?

I'm having trouble getting Evan to believe that I really don't have any control over this process. It is not the case that there are always several out GLBT kids needing a home. I cannot go to some web page or file and look up local queer kids and pick one out. Several things have to happen, and not all of them are things I want to hope for.

I have to hope that I am not needed, that all the GLBT kids, regardless of how "out" they are, find acceptance where they already live.

Of course Evan knows that there are, that there must be, a dozen or more gay kids in the system who are not safe where they are. They are out there, we just have to go get one of them.

1 comment:

  1. Just order one from the catalog?

    That's funny but I know exactly what you mean by hoping there aren't any.


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