Saturday, October 14, 2006

Codie Humor

How many codependents does it take to change a light bulb? Just one - she keeps flipping the light switch repeating "This time it will come back on"

How many recovering codies does it take to change a light bulb? None. They detach and let the lightbulb screw itself.

How can you tell you're at an Alanon meeting? Someone spills their coffee and everyone gets up to clean it up. (Alternate answer: Someone cries and everyone looks for the tissues).

How can you tell if a codie has let go of something? It has claw marks all over it.

Do you know the difference between a terrorist and a codependent? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What do you call a codependent who says 'no' and doesn't feel guilty? HEALTHY.

You're codependent for sure if,
  • when you die, someone else's life flashes in front of your eyes.
  • you get kicked off jury duty for insisting that you're the guilty one.
  • you find yourself in a rut -- and move in furniture
  • you wake up in the morning and say to your mate: "Good morning, how am I?"
  • you feel guilty, for not feeling guilty!
  • your serenity prayer is...

    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change
    The courage to change the things I can
    and the wisdom to figure out what the best way is to manipulate the circumstances and just make him see the light...

    Why did the codependent cross the road? To help the chicken make a decision.

    Did you hear about the codependent who flunked geography? He couldn't distinguish any boundaries.
    Why does a codependent buy two copies of every self-help book? One to read and one to pass on to someone who really needs it.

    What does a codependent have in common with God? They both have a plan for your life.

    You know you're a codie if...

    What happens when two codies fall in love? They get married and micromanage each other for the rest of their lives.

    What do you get when you cross a codie with Buddhist? Someone who stays up all night worrying about nothing.

    THE WIFE OF A NOT-YET-RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC visited a fortuneteller. The mystic stared into her crystal ball and proclaimed, "I have some terrible news. In the near future, your husband will suffer a hideous, violent death." The poor woman was visibly shaken. "W-w-will I be acquitted?" she asked.

    Three prisoners, one of whom was a codependent, were to be executed by guillotine. The first got into position; the rope was cut and the blade got stuck halfway down. They declared it a sign of God’s mercy and freed the first prisoner. The second also got into position and the same thing happened. Again it was declared to be an act of God and the prisoner was freed. The codependent came up to the platform and said, “You know, I think I can fix your problem.”

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