Monday, January 26, 2009

He's busted [updated]

So I suspected that he wasn't actually staying after school to get help on his homework. I didn't suspect much because, you know, he NEEDED help on his homework. As the expression goes, I may be slow but I'm not stupid. Even I will doubt that a sixteen-year-old boy will stay after school to get help with "math concepts" on the first day of the semester.

Roland called the school and asked the math teacher if he stayed after. Of course not.

So when he comes home he will lose his cell phone, computer, and girlfriend visiting privileges for two days. I know, I'm Miss No-Punishment, but well sometimes it just feel so right.


So he just came home. Roland and I met him at the door.

"You're busted."

He gave a guilty grin, "Yeah?"

"Yep. Text the girl tell her she will not hear from you for 48 hours. No cell phone, computer, etc."

"Yeah, okay." He nodded. Fair cop.

He took it all with good humor. Too good as a matter of a fact. I'm pretty sure he has been spending time with her after school several times a week for a while. He will accept the two-day grounding as more than reasonable, and then go right back to being sneaky.

I put in a call to the social worker. The underlying problem is that "The Rules" say that he can't be driven by anyone under 18. That is why he is lying to us. I want to know if I can give him permission to get rides with the girlfriend. I would prefer that he tell me the truth and I know where he is.

The social worker told me that the official rule is that he can't be with drivers under 18 at all and can only be with driver's older than 18 if I have a copy of the driver's license, insurance, and feel comfortable with them.

I swear I didn't know about the copy of the driver's license and insurance rule. I think I need a new rule book. And I think I am just getting tired of making kids follow other people's rules. Even if they are sensible rules, you know?


  1. Hoping you can get permission. It's always better to know where they are than to be left wondering.

  2. Bus-ted.

    Good luck trying to keep this one on a leash short enough to satisfy everyone involved in his case.

  3. I've always felt that this general rules usually penalizes the good foster parents...I know they are there for a reason but sometimes they override common sense or even their own agenda. For example, we are supposed to treat the child as a member of our household and give the most home-like environment but they and their rules are the first to get in the way of thing I'm not looking forward this second time around.

  4. I agree Eos. Can't drive till he's 18. Can't be driven anywhere by a friend. Can't spend the night anywhere unless an adult in the home has a criminal background check.

    But by all means, treat him like you would other members of the family.

    Fortunately the bioboys have been willing to voluntarily follow the same rules -- mostly.

  5. that is the biggest reason that youth in care around here want to be independent at 16, not because they think that they can handle it, not because they want to see their birth family but because they hate all the dumb little rules... they mae sense bt they are hard to live by.

  6. So now what? What will you do when you catch him again?


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