empy nest someday?

I am one of those people who thinks far ahead. I am now in my mid-forties, but even a decade ago I would think about where we would retire. When we go on a trip, I want map it all out. I want a plan. What comes as a suprise to some is that I am perfectly willing to change the plan as we go. If something happens that appears better than what is planned, then cool. The plan is the safety net. It exists to make my feel safer, not to dictate what I must do.

So now Brian is a freshman and Gary is a sophomore. I have said for years, when people asked, that I did not know whent we would stop doing care, but when Brian graduates and moves out, that will probably be a moment to consider it.

That would be twelve years and four permanent-placement boys. A good run.

I started thinking about this more often after Gary moved in. He will graduate a year before Brian. It is possible he would be the last. I think a lot depends upon whatever happens in that last year after Gary graduates and Brian is still at home. If they call us about a gay boy, we will probably not be able to say no. If they don't call us at all that year, we may very well let our license go.

And for a while it made me sad to think about it. I didn't want it to be the end, but I also debated how many kids I wanted as part of my permanent family. I consoled myself thinking that maybe I would volunteer with CASA.

Recently though I have been having other sorts of thoughts. More exciting ones.

Roland wanted to look at cell phones and really wants one that can also be PDA. I explained that he can't have one on our family voice plan. A crackberry would require a separate data plan. I thought, but did not say out loud, "Of course when we don't have kids we could both have one!"

Today I was grocery shopping and there was some wonderful somewhat expensive fish, and I thought, "If I was shopping for two, I could buy that." I started thinking about all the foods that I could buy if we didn't have teenage boys in the house. I could get the GOOD ice cream!

My heart beat a little bit faster.