Thoughts and feelings

So...I've been asked a couple of times about what I think about the possibility that Evan would move back in.

First, I am trying to hold off on thinking or feeling much of anything, because I don't know for certain whether he will need to leave Scotland ahead of schedule. The original plan was, as you know, that he would move in with his grandmother or aunt (who live close together) in July. He then had two incompatible plans: work at the computer hardware plant where is aunt does or go to the tech program at the university.

If he does have to come home early he may want to stay with me for a while. He feels that his grandmother and aunt cannot afford to support him and he would not want to live there if he was too sick to work. My prediction is that he would want to recuperate with me and then move in with one of them, which is fine with me. Like I said, I am trying not to think too much about it, but I am failing miserably at that. These are the thoughts and feelings that push their way into my consciousness before I bat them away again.

"It would be good to see him for a while and I have always said that any of the boys can come back when they are sick or when they need a place to be during transitions. I have warned them that I am not likely to be able to support them for extended periods of time, but they are welcome."

"I guess it is a good thing we never got Brian's old stuff out of his room. Evan won't be able to go back into his old room. He will have to stay in Brian's old one. It is smaller and currently a horrible mess. He can rest while surrounded with toys and children's books and junk. AND Brian is now home every day at 11:00am. Nope. Evan won't have a large room and an empty house to himself. He will probably be motivated to get well and move on. That's good."

"Dear lord, Brian and Evan would be home every afternoon together. How miserable will they make each other? How miserable with they make me?"

"I wonder if he is telling me the whole truth. I predicted at one point that he would only make it two or three months. He has never managed to get along with supervisors and co-workers. He is probably not lying about being sick, but the sickness could be a good excuse for him and his supervisor to put things to an end."

"Or maybe he is not sick. Maybe he is using again. Mono makes you sleepy. Codeine makes you sleepy. He did not say that he has mono, only that the meds the doctor gave him did not cure him and now they are going to test for Mono. Or maybe it is the alcohol. He says he has been drinking. He has been bragging about how much he has been drinking. Maybe that is really the problem. Should I let him come back? If I do, should I insist on a UA? A visit to the rehab counselor? Can I trust him alone in the house?"

"Maybe I should go to a meeting and call my sponsor."