Monday, September 10, 2007

Going slowly at a run

I just had the most interesting conversation with the supervisor of social workers at the agency.

The first part of the conversation was expressing her concern that Frankie not go too quickly down this path.

I don't think that I let one bit of the impatience I am feeling with that come through in my voice. (Not because I disagreed, but because I am committed to it and EVERYone feels the need to tell me to go slow.) I assured her that we all agreed. That his counselor kept telling him this was time for research and "homework." There would be time for doing later. I didn't get around to telling her that Frankie agreed without hesitation to only dress in girls' clothes at home, and then only with the family. The second part was entirely his decision.

She told me that they were trying to think about what exactly to tell the state. They needed to be careful. They have a reputation for being a liberal agency and this is a conservative state -- and Frankie came from an especially conservative part of the state. I told her that the state worker had asked for me to copy him on emails and that, since Frankie had made his announcement, I had only copied him on one in which I said something like, "Frankie had a really hard day first day at school. He actually came home crying. He cheered up when his bras and panties arrived in the mail. We wrote a long note to the school about Frankie's concerns and complaints. We are waiting for them to respond." She laughed and said that it was quite likely that that comment just slid right by him.

The email was intentionally quite long and the note about the bras was buried in the middle. I didn't want to be accused of hiding anything, but I didn't really want to make a deal of it either.

Anyway, after first telling me that it was important not to let Frankie get carried away, she said that she and the director were talking about finding some expert in a Big City and sending Frankie there to be assessed.

I told her that I thought that the only physical treatment that might be appropriate for Frankie right now would be testosterone inhibitors. They would stop him from growing a beard and it would be completely reversible. If he stops taking them, puberty would start back up. (His voice has already changed, so it is too late for that).

Her response? She speculated as to whether stopping puberty might help him grow a little more.

Good thing she called to make sure I was encouraging Frankie to take it slow, huh?

I don't know what will happen next. The agency people feel they need to talk to the state people. And who knows what will go into the file, what his mother and her lawyer will think about it when/if they find out, and what will happen as a result of that.

Will Frankie be removed from my corrupting influence? Will he be allowed to explore his gender identity in therapy and in the privacy of his (our) home? Will he be sent off to the Big City and put on testosterone inhibitors to "help him grow"?

Stay tuned kids ... same bat time, same bat channel.*

*I know I sound glib, but I'm not really. It is just easier to pretend.


  1. what i love about the whole crazy thing is he was sent to you because somebody, somewhere thought he was questioning his sexuality and wouldn't the yondalla's be a nice place for him to be while he grows up and examines these things? if geting the blockers on the theory that they will make him grow works....well, yea!

  2. Ahhhh! I would be running in circles screaming if I were you.

  3. Whoa.
    The craziness, it does not end and I am not talking about you or the kid involved.

  4. I echo that whoa.



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