How and Why I Do It

So I thought if I am going to send out an interview assignment to all willing takers, I should probably do it myself.

1. What is the story, reason, or explanation for how you got into doing care?
Please see my post How it all started for the answer to this one.

2. What do you wish you had known before you started?
I wish I had had a more realistic understanding of what I could and could not have done with and for the kids. I wish I had known that "the only person I can change is me. Others I can only love."

3. What skill did you need to learn (or still need to learn!) to do it well?
I wish I had known how to set and create boundaries. Click the label "boundaries" if you want more on that one!

4. What is the best, most rewarding part of doing care?
It is isn't the big things. It isn't seeing them graduate from high school or make some major achievement. Those are cool, but it is all the little good moments in between the difficult moments. It is just the joy that comes from forming a relationship with someone and seeing them grow and heal. In some ways, this is exactly what I expected when I was a newbie, and in other ways it is completely different. I often don't recognize it when it is happening. I forget that falling down is part of learning to walk and that healing happens slowly. The moments when you can see the growth and healing may be fleeting, so I have to stay alert so I don't miss them.

5. How do you take care of yourself so that you can keep on giving care?
Blogging is the obvious answer. Venting what I feel and getting support from other bloggers is incredibly valuable. The other answer is going to sound silly, I take care of myself by remembering to take care of myself. It is so easy to get bogged down in everyone else's needs and just push mine aside. That in the end is no good for anyone. I've learned to ask the social worker for respite or tell my husband that I need a night out with friends, or an hour alone in the tub before I've gone nuts with emotional exhaustion.

6. What did you learn about yourself from giving care?
I learned that if I don't take care of myself I can easily turn into an obsessing, anxious, controlling, insane woman. I also learned that I can distance myself from their drama and that when I do I'm a much better parent to teenagers than I thought I would be.