Monday, April 23, 2007

Bad mother

I don't know what's going on or what to do about it.

Brian was suffering from fatigue so I took him to the doctor and they ran every blood test imaginable. There was nothing.

The fatigue went away, but the doctor suggested that we bring this thing home that attaches to his finger and monitors is blood oxygen levels through the night. Brian asked me about it and I told him that with kids' sleep apnea is usually just tonsilitus, which is almost certainly does not have, so maybe we should just cancel the test. He said that no he wanted to have the test.

And today he went to the school nurse because he can't breathe. He is wheezing. His thoat and chest feel tight.

The thing is he tends to forget to wheeze when he is distracted.

Now you know if I tell him it is just anxiety and finish my day at work it will turn out that he is at the beginning of a horrible allergic reaction and will die.

If I give in a take him to the doctor it will reinforce this anxiety-related psycho-somatic behavior.

And I so wish that there was some other parent that I could blame this on.

Yep. If the the foster kids do something like this it is because of early childhood trauma.

If the biokids do then it must be genetic, simply part of their personalities.

I feel like a very bad mother on so many levels right now.


  1. We almost always take the kids to the doctor, even when we know it is anxiety. We let the doctor be the bad guy.

  2. You can blame it on me if you want. I feel like the world's worst mom right now so you don't need to, too.

  3. Oh how I live this kind of thing.

    Just get me started about the time I finally took my then 7yr.old daughter (who I referred to as the Drama Queen in my own head) to the emerg because her stomach cramps finally seemed real - and how the staff looked at me with barely concealed disgust because her bladder infection was so bad that she had pus floating on her urine.

    Proud moment.
    Take care.


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