Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Brian's Breathing

Brian's raspy breathing never went away all last evening. It got fairly minimal when he was watching TV (which I understand is not because he was forgetting to fake it. People with pneumonia cough less when they are engrossed in something like television). It was bad when we first got home. I finally told Hubby that Brian expressed concern that Dad was angry at him because he had to leave school. Usually they call me, but I don't take my cell phone to class so they could not get me.

Hubby and Brian talked and that helped. A couple of hours later Brian came into my bedroom while I was talking on the phone to my sister (which helped me feel less anxious about my trip) wide-eyed and struggling for breath. He lay down with his head on my lap and I sang him the lullaby his brother and I made up when he was a baby (silly lyrics to "Hush Little Baby"). After I sang it twice his breathing was almost normal.

I'm feeling so frustrated. We've done so much to deal with this. We've got him on anti-depressants. We have him in school half days. I leave work every day at 11:00 to go get him. Okay, that is a slight exaggeration. His school is a quarter mile from Hubby's work place. When necessary he can walk to Hubby and Hubby will give him a ride home when he gets a chance. Still, I go almost every day.

Today the school called Hubby less than an hour after the day started. His first period teacher told him to leave the room and not come back until he could control his breathing and stop making that noise. Brian is missing more school than he is attending once again, even though he only has to be there for three hours.

And there is part of me that thinks he is exaggerating this. He exaggerates his symptoms so much. But I am also convinced that it is real.

Clearly we also need to get him in to a child psychologist that he will relate to. Unfortunately all those seem to be in the city, which is a 25-30 miles away.

I know he is not trying to make my life difficult. I know this is not in his control, but it is more than I want to deal with. I don't want to have to find the right counselor. I don't want to have to do all the driving. I want there to be a fix and for him just to be better.

But I so often don't get what I want.


  1. I hope you find the help you need soon. I don't think it's beyond the scope that he might be exaggerating a little bit, or at least that you don't have to feel guilty if you think that might be part of it.

    I really hope you can get it under control soon.

    And seriously, his teacher? What a bitch.

  2. Brian is so much like my 11-year-old. She swears she has asthma, although it's really anxiety. We've done the antidepressants, inhalers, and more, and it really has just come down to her learning how to better manage her anxiousness.

    Breathing techniques and EMDR-related methods such as alternate tapping under her arms while they're crossed (think of giving yourself a hug) have helped her somewhat -- when she remembers.

    Hope things calm down for you both soon.

  3. I always wish my kids came with an instruction manual, specific to their particular make and model. I'd especially like a chapter on troubleshooting. No such luck.

  4. You are GOOD MOM here, just remember that.

    We went through a heck of a ride when my oldest began to enter adolescence when he was ten and a half - it was, to overuse an overused example - a roller coaster ride.

    Anxiety was a part of it.
    Might it be a part of what is going on for Brian?

    Are you knitting anything?
    I ask because I just came back from a therapeutic 40minutes at a local yarn store and felt so relaxed and peaceful...it can't hurt for you to feel that way too.

  5. Im sorry Brian (and you) are going through this.


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