I periodically thought about how wonderful Roland was for doing everything, but when I was at the very worst point of it all one thought kept popping up in my head:
I think that is because the last time I was that sick I did have a baby, or at least a toddler. I remember being really sick and having to care for or reassure a small child. This time all I had to do was ... um ... nothing. Roland and the boys took care of everything. I was so grateful for that, so glad that everyone in the house could manage just fine without me. There wasn't the least bit of guilt, no feeling like I really HAD to get up and make sure that someone ate vegetables or was wearing clean underwear. It was so wonderful.
It did occur to me that it was an odd thought -- like going in for emergency surgery and being glad that you remembered to return all your library books.
Right now I still have a terrible chest cold. I'm congested and tired and sometimes I cough so hard I pee my pants a little. (You're welcome.) And that is much better than I felt on Thursday, when breathing itself was an effort and walking to the bathroom was exhausting, and my reoccuring happy thoughts were "Roland is a very good man" and "Thank G-d I don't have a baby."