Stupid Asthma

Last night I finally went to the walk-in clinic associated with my doctor's office and saw a PA there. The machine said that my oxygen levels were good. It was just about two hours since I used the rescue inhaler for the third time that day and I was coughing when I breathed deeply. She asked me if I was coughing anything up, because there are some nasty viruses going around. I said no.

I told her that I was making an appointment on Monday and she gave me a longer-lasting rescue inhaler. She said that she thought that my daily steroid wasn't working for me and I really needed to replace it, not the rescue, but that she wanted my regular physician to make the decision about what to try. I agreed.

So we got back in the car and drove home, and as we drove my breathing got easier.

Stupid, stupid anxiety.

I was relieved that it I still had the cough if I breathed really deeply (cause that meant it wasn't ALL "in my head"), but a lot of the chest tightenness , okay all of it, went away. I had talked to the doctor about the possibility of some of my symptoms being caused by being worried about having symptoms. He said that anxiety can cause athsma symptoms and I need to treat the symptoms. He seemed genuinely uninterested in whether a particular symptom/attack was caused by anxiety or not.

Okay, last night I had more troubling breathing when I lay down, so I settled myself in the recliner surrounded by comfy pillows. I woke up with the adorable Shih Tzu curled on a pillow right below my face.

So this morning I feel cruddy.

And I think I have a cold.

My sense of my own body, my ability to understand what is going on in it is all wacked out.

Do I have a slight headache and feel tired because I didn't sleep well, or because I have a cold?

Do I have post-nasal drip because the dog slept in my face, or because I have a cold?

Do I have this horrible cough because my asthma medicines aren't working or because I have asthma and a cold?

I think I have a cold.

I feel like I have a cold, but maybe I feel like I have a cold because the PA suggested that I did.

See, most people don't know how much control their mind has over their body. I haven't studied the biology, but I have come by enough of it second hand through the discussions of the ethics of medicine and human research that I do. I know how powerful that connection is.

Stupid anxiety.

I probably have a cold.

On the up side, whether it is a cold or an asthma flare-up the response is the same: treat the symptoms.

Now where is that humidifier?