Wiped Out

I am emotionally exhausted, and I am about to vent the tiredness just a little and I am not going to tell you what it was about. Sorry.

We agreed to do something and, as so often happens, found ourselves asked to do something bigger than we had originally intended. And that is okay, but it is just that the slow deliberative process we expected became something hurried, and the person we had agreed to be helpful to had backed him/herself into a tight spot. Or at least it would be tight if we said no.

So I knew that in the middle of the day. Then I spent two freaking hours in the car: my car pool day so out to get everyone except my kid who has rehearsal; back to drop everyone off; back to the school to get Brian; and then back home again. AND throughout Roland keeps calling me asking me to give him answers to questions about things that I don't normally keep in my head.

We spent about an hour debating what to do. Should could we do what was asked? Perhaps we should insist on only doing exactly what we had intended. It would mean that someone else would have to deal with some pretty crummy consequences, but maybe still we should, but really, neither of us wanted to.

So we talked about it and talked about it. I'm doing the whole self-therapy for co-dependency thing. The co-dependent response, for those of you who do not know, would be to feel like I had to do it, do it, and be resentful about it. The non-co-dependent response is to decide really and truly what I can and want to do and then to do that without resentment, perhaps even with joy.

I almost made it. I did pretty well for a recovering co-dependent. We figured out what we were willing to do, which was somewhere in between what we had originally intended and what we were being asked. We also realized that our compromise option was actually better for the person we were trying to help. So happiness and joy all around.

Almost.

I confess to just a little bit playing the guilt card, but well, I am a recovering co-dependent.

But the whole process was stressful for me. Not just because of changing of the specifics of the situtation but because it has to do with stuff that makes me feel stressed out anyway. There are a whole lot of things that make me feel stressed -- like public speaking and signing my mortgage agreement. Did you know that realitors are not the least bit surprised if you have to put your head between your knees so you won't pass out after signing those?

And now I am all worn out.

But I got lots of good news. Roland gets his CPAP on FRIDAY and Evan is coming home for the weekend just 'cause.

So woo hoo!

Now where's my chocolate?