Saturday, March 01, 2008

Life is good

My very best IRL (local) friend in the whole world stopped by this morning. Our lives have become so busy we don't see each other much. Years ago she lived near where I worked and she worked from home and at least once a week I would take my lunch to her house. She and her kids were at our house for dinner at least once a week. We got out together at least once a month. Now months and months pass and we seem to keep missing her.

So that was good. She asked Brian about where he was going to school next year. He told her about going to Our Town High. He has such confidence in his voice. He is not the least worried. I don't know if I can explain, but he really does sound different from how he did a year or so ago. HE has decided and HE is confident. We told him that it was his decision and he has made it and he has listened to our concerns and knows what he is going to do. He didn't sound anxious at all. He sounded like a young adult.

And that is a good thing.

One friend who knows more about how stressed I was at work right at the same time as I was trying not to be stressed about kid far away suggested that his anxiety attack a week or two ago may have been a reaction to my over-the top level of stress. I was trying to hide it from him, but I was seriously trying to keep from running screaming into the hills. Finding out that one of my colleagues can take over the departmental review makes me feel like I lost 20 pounds over night. Knowing that there are no decisions to be made about this boy, is good too.

I'm not quite ready for an inter-state processes. I would have done it, if it had all come together. It would have been enormously stressful though. If they called today and said there was a kid in the shelter, I would be fine with it. I would be able to read files and talk to people whom I trust who would have met the kid. I also would not be asking a yong person to move far away from everyone he or she knows. I can see doing an interstate adoption, even of a small sibling group, after Brian leaves home in four years. If we did though we would do it in the right order: first do an adoption home study, then let the matching specialists help us find a family.

But all of life has settled down to a managable stress level. The boys are all doing well. My job is really busy right now, but suddenly everything I have to do are things only things that I feel confident I can do well and don't require me to work with passive-aggressive, apparently loving and generous people who end up making me feel three inches tall. Yippee!

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