Friday, February 22, 2008

They Still Haven't Said No

Of course they haven't said yes either, but as long as I do not hear I am in limbo, waiting. I literally have one paragraph of information about this boy. I don't have a photo, which is a good thing. I know that any feelings I have of attachment are attachment to a fictional character. Not that there isn't a real boy, just that I do not know that boy. The boy who showed up in my dream, who creeps into my thoughts is not the real boy far away. The boy in my thoughts is a creation of my imagination.

I know that, and it helps. I am protecting myself from more information, actually turned it down when someone offered to try to get it. Let him stay a fiction, a character of my imagination built out of a few pieces of information about a real kid. That way, when they say no I will focus on the relief of not having to make a decision about whether it would be better for Brian to say no, about whether the real boy could be a member of our family.

But the longer they don't say no the more I consider that it is possible that they will say yes.

And if they do, I remind myself, what will happen next is that they will contact the people at the other end who will likely say, "Well send us their adoption homestudy. They don't have an adoption homestudy? So why are you calling us?"

I find myself wondering about that and realize I have no idea how I would go about getting an adoption homestudy. The question nags at me, takes on a life of its own quite independent of this question of this boy. I know the usual path starts with getting a state foster care license. I however have a private license, would I have to get a state one? Dear Lord, would I have to go take PRIDE or MAPP after eight years of experience? Or is there a way to just get an adoption homestudy? And who would do it? Would I have to contact a private adoption agency? ::shudder:: I know I could find out. I have a friend who is a family law attorney. We are in fact invited to her house on Sunday for a dinner party. I could ask her. I wonder how quickly it could be done ... is there someone we can call who can just do it? I mean, I really don't want to have a state license. As long as I don't have one any kid the state wants to place with me they have to place with the private agency with whom I work and adore.

These thoughts run through my head and then I catch myself, why the hell am I wondering about getting an adoption homestudy? Okay, so the question just bugs me, because I don't like not knowing things, but aren't I getting ahead of myself here? Get a grip, take a breath, go grade some papers. The agency is almost certainly going to say no anyway, which is probably a good thing.

But it has been a week and still they haven't said no. Why haven't they said no? Surely it is an easy enough question, unless it isn't, unless they are debating it, discussing it, seriously considering saying yes.

Update: so I did some research, just because I want to know, okay? It has nothing to do with this kid, I just wanted to know. It appears that an adoption homestudy does require completion of the standard 27-hour class, but does not require actually getting a state license. In theory there is a shorter version of the class available to people who are doing private adoptions and therefore don't need a foster care license. In reality that class doesn't get taught. The 27-hour class is taught over the course of three weekends: 3 hours Friday evening and 6 hours on Saturday. Homestudies can be done by licensed agencies or individuals.


  1. No one is saying no, not yet anyway! It does give you something pleasant to daydream about.

  2. Truthfully, this sounds more like a form of mental torture than something to daydream about.


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