Tuesday, February 19, 2008

It's just sur-real

So you all know that I asked the family developer if the agency every would take an out-of-state placement. She said she would ask. She just emailed to say that she asked her supervisor (who has worked there for like a decade) who said that she would check into it.

It is all so strange. I really did not expect this and now I don't know what to expect next. I mean, I would still bet that it won't happen. Even if the agency is willing to consider it there are still all the people on the other end who don't even (as far as I know) have a clue that these questions are being asked. I have no idea how they would react.

It is just bizarre.

I know, I keep saying that, but you have to understand that I asked so that I would know that at least I had asked. I suppose that is what everyone else is doing too.

I think the reason that there is not an automatic no is that the agency is in the beginning of a time of transition. Headquarters (HQ) has changed the focus of the entire agency. They aren't just the agency that does permanent-placement foster care. Their long term goal is to drastically reduce the number of kids in care by helping to figure out how to prevent them from going into care and how to get them back out quickly. Part of that is "supporting adoption" but it is unclear what that means. So, given the agency is being asked to consider doing new things in new ways, they are going to stop and think about whether this would be one of those new ways.

At least that is what I think is going on, because otherwise I cannot explain it.

I am trying really hard not to get excited or worried.

Evan, by the way, called after reading the blog to offer his wholehearted support to the scheme. Roland is willing but says, "I thought we were just going to be open to placement, not go looking for kids." To which I tried to explain that that was exactly what I was doing. Someone brought me the profile. It isn't like I went to Adopt Us Kids looking for gay teenagers. Andrew is calm and not particularly invested. He's moving out anyway. Brian doesn't know the specifics, just that there is some talk about the possibility of a new kid. He looks at me seriously and says, "You aren't going to go fast, right? Not like last time. You are going to be careful about who you bring in, right?" I promised I would.

But I dreamed about it last night. I dreamed I went and met him. It was a good dream.


  1. I was gonna say you've got baby fever, but I wouldn't say a teen gay boy is exactly a baby, so what do I call it?

    Teen fever (sounds likes Teen spirit, bad 80's music). Gay-teen-boy fever? (sounds worse, like something that you'd hear about on Law & Order SVU).

    Anyway, here's hoping you get your placement. You know you want one- you probably always will.

    Sorry for not posting this year. Very hectic here- 17, 14, 2 & 9 weeks for my 4 kids, and the 2 yr old has 12 (count it, ladies & gents, 12!!!!) appts per week. '

    I swear I passed myself on the highway yesterday and was too tired to even honk or wave.

    Meant to ask yesterday, what is the UCC?

  2. I think it would be fair to say that I am deeply ambivalent. There is part of me that really likes how quiet my life is right now and is very nervous about disturbing Brian's lack of anxiety.

    But there is part of me that is working very hard not to be excited.

    "UCC" is United Church of Christ which is generally one of the more liberal denominations. I have been jokingly told that "UCC" really stands for "Unitarians Considering Christ."

  3. hee hee that amused me. (the part about the UCC, not the soulsearching quest of whether or not to expand your family).

    I wonder how many folks actually sit around and scroll through the adoptuskids website looking for matches. I know I have. I always wish that they had more options to help narrow the search, things like:

    a) wants fat lazy family that likes to watch tv and eat brownies (ahem, us, pls?)

    b) wants hyper sportsy type family

    c) wants baptist (not methodist, not catholic) family (or any other denom)

    d) details details details

    I just wonder how many more kids would get placed if there was more accurate info. It seems like a lot of us are only doing care for certain types of kids, and there has to be a better, less red-tapey way of doing it.

    Anyway, so much for my random musings.

  4. Adoptuskids.org gets some pretty heavy traffic, I think.

    I've done a ton of inquiries from there. For one child I inquired on -- and it took one month of pretty steady calling to even get that far -- they had been adopted six months ago.

    Florida, New York and Louisiana are three examples of states I totally gave up on. Some places just don't have money or budgets to even attempt out of state adoptions. They just post profiles to satisfy arcane regulations.

  5. Hmm, it just seems as though if through all the difficulty everyone says yes, then it is meant to be.

  6. You know, it makes me feel a lot better to see someone as experienced as you get excited about a photo listing. I've decided that it's best for me to put off adopting or fostering for a couple of years, but almost every time I go to the photo listings I find at least one kid who I feel I was just *born* to parent (to put it a little melodramatically. . .). I always give myself very stern lectures about bad timing, and the fact that there will be kids who need single moms in two years too. Still, it's hard not to think about how a given child might fit into your life. I remember a listing for a teenage, goth-looking girl. They said she was good in school, and emphasized the fact that they wanted a single mother who was "educated, possibly professional". I was like, "Oh, me, me! I'm a single educated professional who won't be freaked out by dyed black hair!!!" I still think about her sometimes.

  7. It's never what you think. The easy ones are hard, hard ones are easy, and the REALLY hard ones you just never know.
    Inner-state placements are difficult, so I could see why you asked the questions to ease your mind thinking they would say no and you could feel at peace knowing you at least threw the line out there. Who knew you'd actually see some fish in the pond.

  8. And Emily, thanks for you comments. Funny how something can just ground you again, you know? It is good to be reminded that that feeling of connection is just a feeling - and a not particularly reliable one.

  9. I think that is natural. Maybe a mommy instinct or whatever to be drawn to certain kids. I, like Emily, am drawn to those kids are a side-step from the norm. Give me a gothy punk any day over a sporty cheerleader. I can relate to punk. You have a predisposition to parent gay boys. That is awesome. Aren't you enjoying dreaming about it? I love thinking about possibilities...I dreamt about my possibility the other night too (she is a punky teen girl). We had a really great talk in my den. Those dreams are like the equivalent of kids' flying dreams, in my opinion. Ones you just don't want to wake up from...

  10. Hmmmm... good sign, the dream, I mean.


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