Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Grumpy Evan

Poor Evan, he is being made to go to work at a truly unholy hour.

He has been doing a good job making himself go to bed early, but he is still grumpy.

He has this thing where if you ask him a question he will tend to get defensive and ask you aggressively, "Why do you want to know?"

It is getting so that it is impossible to talk to him.

Today when he came home he got the mail there was a parcel in it.

Me: "Whose the parcel for?"

Evan: "Me. Why do you care?"

"Just wondering. What did you order?"

Evan, irrtated: "Why do you want to know?"

Me: "Just expressing an interested, Evan. Really."

Evan: "Oh. It is a t-shirt."

Brian: "What does it say on it?"

Evan: "Nothing! It doesn't say anything. Why do you even care?"

Brian: "I was just wondering."

After a few minutes Evan shows us the t-shirt. It has work on it by an original artist. It is cool. I speak to him about him getting defensive when people ask him questions. We talk about it very briefly. He says he is much better than he used to be, don't I think? I agree that he is a little better. I don't say that he has been worse lately.

He walks over to the table and says, "I wonder how many famous people write you back when you write to them. Do you know? Do famous people ever actually write you back?"

Me: "I don't know."

Brian: "What famous person did you write to?"

Evan, escalating again: "No one! Gawd! Why do you care who I write to?"

Brian: "If you didn't write to someone famous then why do you care if they write back?"

Evan: "Why do you have to be in my business? Huh? Why do have to keep asking me questions?"

Me: "Evan!"

Evan: "He knows what he is doing! He knows I don't like it and he is just trying to annoy me!"

Me: "I really think he is just trying to have a conversation with you."

Evan: "Whatever."

And he leaves.


He is going to be on this schedule for the rest of his vacation, which is to say the rest of the time he will be living here. We are either going to have to remember not to ask him any questions or any kind, or ... I don't know.

Poor guy. I know he is exhausted. And I know this automatic defensive response to all questions is deep-seated. I don't think though he knows how hard it is to be on the receiving end of that sort of aggression.


  1. It's just a guess, and I know you said that he's been tired lately, but could it also be the impending Uncle visiting that's got him discombobulated?

    I don't know from Adam, but I know that when I was getting geared up to switch from one parent to the other (divorced family) I always got pretty agitated and defensive.

    It's hard, because in many cases you have to actually be a different person at the different home in order to keep the peace.

    Not that it's not hard to live with or that you guys are doing anything wrong. I'm a thousand times sympathetic. I was just thinking that the trigger could be the reappearance of bio family into his life.

  2. Krissy,
    That is very insightful, and probably a significant part of what is going on.



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