Trouble Sleeping
I slept well two nights ago, last night was another night of waking and dozing and waking and sleeping and getting up feeling like I had not slept at all.
So tired...so tired of being tired...
My closest colleagues know about what happened. My closest colleagues are the biggest non-gossipers around. Other people don't know. I am not trying to keep it a secret; I just don't have the energy to tell it matter-of-factly. And I am not close enough to them to be blubbering in their offices, but I am close enough to later have to deal with conversations like, "He left a month ago? Why didn't you tell me?"
Why don't I know any good gossips? Don't people realize that all gossip is not bad?
Of course, it is entirely possible that my life is just not that interesting. And it really isn't that big of a deal, especially as I told people when he moved in that we were less confident about this placement. It's just strange when people that I normally share some with walk by and say, "Good morning! How are doing?" and I respond, "Okay. Tired, but okay." Then they say, "Yeah. It's that point in the semester isn't it? We are all getting a little tired." And I nod. Sure. Whatever. I feel like a piece of my soul was ripped out, but we can pretend.
Lordy, I need sleep.
It's a good thing that a bunch of you are committing the writing a post a day, because someone else is going to have to keep the blogosphere pumping away.
I'm going to take a nap. For a month.
No seriously, if there is anything to tell, I will post. If you don't hear from me as often it is because I am doing nothing more interesting than sleeping, or trying to.
Exercise is supposed to help you sleep right? But how do you make yourself exercise when you feel like the walking dead?
Am I rambling? I think I'm rambling.
I understand how rotten you can feel when you are tired and not sleeping. I am having the same problem (though for different reasons) and it's just killing me.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry things are so rough right now. Just remember that you didn't do anything wrong... I realize that doesn't make it hurt any less, though.
Y, I hear you, sister.
ReplyDeleteAnd why doesn't everyone just KNOW you're mourning? How can they not SEE soul-ache?
I put the treadmill on "start" and then the option is either walk or fall off. For those of us who are not passionate about exercise, the workout is not that much different than normal.
Good luck with the everything, and and tell us how you do on the exercise...or at least, tell us your still awake and living at least once this month.
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ReplyDeleteAm I rambling? I think I'm rambling.
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Oh hon, you might be rambling but you're one of the best-sounding ramblers there are. And what can you expect when someone is in dire need of rest and recharge?
It's too bad that others don't know that you feel rather ripped away by all that's happened. I understand when you say that sometimes you wish people knew.. .
But seriously, sometimes rambling on your blog is good for you, so if ever you feel the desire to (no pressure!), please feel free to.
You're not rambling. Certainly not any more than your circumstances would warrant. I don't talk to people about it either, just trudging along beside them trying to appear normal so as to avoid breaking down. You're absolutely right about the "good gossip", too- that would be great for avoiding those "How's Sweetie?" conversations. It's nice to commiserate online a little, though. -Kate-
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