Saturday, November 03, 2007

Angry for Danielle

If you read here, you probably read Navigating the Maze and already know that they have been told that their daughter will be removed in seven days.

If you have been reading here for a while you know that we are friends with FosterAbba and FosterEema. This past summer they stopped by on their way through my part of the country, scaring my dog and generally having a lovely time.

I know them. I know their daughter. I've seen them together. I know the trouble they have had with the county. I know they are not perfect, but neither am I.

I'm sad for FosterAbba and FosterEema, but I'm outraged on behalf of Danielle, their daughter.

FosterAbba and FosterEema will have a piece of their souls' torn out. I understand, as well as one can, I suppose. They will hurt. I will hold their hands and listen to them on the phone and email and chat and they will go on. They will probably never do foster care again. They may never attempt to become parents again. They may never trust the social services agency in their county. They will however survive, and their ability to form trusting relationships with other people will not be significantly changed.

But what of Danielle? How shall she respond? She thought she had a home. She hoped, expected, to be adopted. Now, she has been told that someone she barely knows has decided to move her, and the people who are making the decision are not talking with her.

Okay, so they are not talking with FosterAbba and FosterEema. That is wrong. It should not be that way, but well, they and I are adults and we can deal with it.

But how can the social worker not be talking to Danielle?

How? How can the social worker even begin to think that doing this to Danielle helps her?

Imagine for the sake of argument, that the social worker has reason to believe that FosterAbba and FosterEema are not the best long-term parents for Danielle. What should the social worker do? If Danielle is in immediate danger, she takes her away.

If there is somewhere that Danielle would be better cared for then the social worker should tell Danielle, explain where she is going and why, and then give her the time to say goodbye.

Danielle is a little girl who has learned to trust and feel part of a family. She is not a possession to be reclaimed.

She is a child and the social welfare workers who profess to care so much about her should be taking care of her.

I just don't understand.


  1. And yet this seems to be the norm for foster parents without agency. It's awful, it sucks. It tears people apart and breaks little hearts.

  2. Neither do I. Understand, that is.

    I know what I'd like to say but I'm too polite to say it here.

    Toning it down a little, it sucks.

  3. My heart is just breaking for all of them. This is so not right.

  4. I ran into an aquaintance yesterday who told me about being a fosterparent here in my province.
    She has two bio kids and had an infant placed with her for six weeks. Then her social worker told her that it was felt that she was not doing a good enough job with the baby and that they were going to remove the child from her care. She was not told what she could do that would be seen as an improvement and she was also told that the child would stay with her UNTIL they could find someone better to take it and they didn't know when that would be.

    She said, NOPE, take the child now and gave up fostering.

    The insanity is everywhere!

  5. You are so right, Yondalla. My sentiments exactly!

  6. This is so hurtful to the kids being pushed around to different homes. I'm just amazed at the crap they're willing to put the kids through who have already had so much heartache in their lives. They should all be treated like they treat the kids.

  7. This story of what's happening to Danielle is like watching a train wreck in slow motion. It defies belief that people who are supposedly "helping professionals" could behave with this level of insensitivity toward a child and family.


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