Finishing Up

I keep trying to write a good post to express how GOOD today was, how much I loved having at least four of my boys together, but nothing quite gets it.

The food was good.

I could tell you about how the boys teased each other, played video games together, helped in the kitchen, and ate with good appetites. David played cards with me; Evan lugged the 25 pound turkey from brine to pan, to oven, to counter, to oven, to kitchen table. Jane fulfilled her holiday tradition of being an hour later for dinner because she insisted on answering an emergency call to repair a furnance and save a family from freezing. I fulfilled my hostess obligation by stuffing myself a second time to keep her company (Miss Manners would be proud).

I could try to tell you about the funny moments. How Evan shook his head asking me how I could not know that you should pull over when your car is billowing white smoke and laughed when I said, "Well, in my defense there really wasn't that much smoke, and the car was bouncing up and down so badly that the smoke just didn't seem that significant."

But somehow none of this gets it. Though I have worked on this post for an hour, writing and deleting it, and trying to write it again, I have yet to find the words to convey what I want to tell you.

See, I adore these boys. There were times when I wanted to strangle them, days when I cried with frustration, stretches where people who loved me wondered why I put myself through this.

And then there is now.

How can I tell you how much I loved spending the day with them? How can I tell you how much it means to me that they are part of my life, what a gift they are?

Are there words to express it?

Would you understand if I just told you that I am very, very happy?