Hey, I need to tell you something
"oh...no, no one's in trouble, I just don't want to say this two times."
The boys sit, curious.
"Okay, so my girl parts are pissing me off and Friday Dad and I will be late getting home because he's going with me to have pictures taken to figure out what is going on."
Gary looks worried, "When you will get home?"
"Oh, like five o'clock."
Gary is relieved. I can almost hear him thinking "oh good, they're not sending me to respite."
I ask, "So, is there anything else you want to know, because I don't mind answering questions if you have any."
As one my teenage boys say, "NO."
And I was so looking forward to explaining to them that pelvic ultrasounds involve the use of a magic dildo. (They call it a "wand." It must be magic. I'm nothing if not logical.)
Ultrasounds are pretty ok. If they tell you (and I don't really know why they might) that they need to "flood" your uterus to make sure that there's no blockage in your tubes, prepare yourself for a kind of pain you didn't think was possible outside of circumstances even Don Rumsfeld would classify as "torture."
ReplyDeleteThey better not. I've been quite clear that I will tolerate no pain. If I have a biopsy I want lots and lots of pain meds.
ReplyDeleteActually, I don't think they will. There is not reason to worry about blockage in the tubes. I'm not in pain and the baby-making is in my past. They are looking for fibroids and thickening of the lining.
I am right here with you girl! Had an ultrasound on tuesday- found out i have all sorts of abnormal issues- probably going to have it removed- will find out next week. :( Hang in there.!
ReplyDeleteaw yes the magic wand - I had never had an internal ultrasound prior to about 2 years ago. Yep all my baby ultrasounds were nice and pleasant and external. When I first saw the "wand" I almost fell out - I seriously looked at the tech and asked - what the heck do you think you are doing with that?!? LOL. If you've never seen it - trust me - prepare your mind. But really it's not that bad, but you will be a little uncomfortable for the rest of that day and might have some cramping.
ReplyDeleteAren't girly parts a pain?!?
Becky
You have such a good attitude about all of this. I hope the tests come back fine. Way to focus on the positive...magic dildo! :)
ReplyDeleteOh- an the wand they used on me was not that big- thing I have seen before- it was little- no biggie.
ReplyDeleteThe picture of the wand I saw didn't look frightening.
ReplyDeleteIt would be good material for grossing out the boys though.
Just make sure to refer to the technician by their proper title - "wand monkey". :D
ReplyDeleteOh my doctor always likes to slap a condom on the ultrasound wand and say, "I like to practice 'safe' ultrasounds." Then he winks at me. E.v.e.r.y. time. I have had approx a million of them with my lady troubles. They are no biggie. And it is really cool to watch your fancy parts up on the screen.
ReplyDeleteI like "wand monkey"
ReplyDeleteAnd surely they will have non-latex condomns, right? Hadn't really thought about that, but my body will not be happy if they use latex.
Increasingly I want to suggest that we just skip all the testing and go straight to surgery.
Of course, today is the NINTH day in a row that I have been bleeding/spotting (usually bright red).
JUST TAKE THE FRICATIVE THINK OUT. I'M FINISHED WITH IT!
I always like No Swimmers use of "dildo cam" for her picture days.
ReplyDeleteAnd even though they're not worried about the baby parts, they still may "flood" you as it helps separate all the things inside for clearer pictures.
Good luck and I hope you get the answers you've been waiting for!
What??? They stick a thing IN you? What happened to having to drink a gallon of water and going in holding your pee?
ReplyDeleteThanks to all of you! I laughed until I cried! When I first saw that "wand" I almost passed out....EEK!
ReplyDelete