Monday, May 25, 2009

bodily woes

So I worked on and off on this post about my bodily woes. It was partly a post about not wanting to tell very many people because It Might Be Cancer, and though I'm not really worried about that, other people will probably get worried and sympathetic and that is more than I can deal with.

and it was partly about frustrations waiting for appointments and hoping that there wouldn't be any reason why I would have to cancel my trip in a couple of weeks, cuz it would really bite to have to miss the trip.

And it was also about not wanting to talk to the people at the agency until I have something to tell them, which should be fine except Gary's new social worker (who was and is Frankie's social worker) is coming on Thursday afternoon and the licensing worker is coming on Monday. They both ask questions, and I want to be able to say, "I'm scheduled for a hysterectomy on June 15 (or whenever) and we won't have any problem with Gary staying." I don't want to evade questions or give them part of the information and then deal with them being supportive and sympathetic.

I need a business-like attitude with a side of dark humor, please.

I especially want something definitive to tell the licensing worker because I have literally never met her and sharing information about my lady parts just feels too personal. (Yes, I see the irony -- declaring I want privacy about something by writing about it on the itnernet).

And it was also about feeling so blasted tired. I took a nap today, and I don't really take naps. I'm wore out. I've spent too long in this state of suspension, waiting to find out what is going to happen next. The school year is winding up, and maybe I'm just a bit anemic? I mean, I have been bleeding, though slightly, more days than not. Or maybe I'm just stressed and tired.

And I want to write this completely separate post about how I got angry at Gary and he totally turned on the charm and it worked, and then I realized what he was doing and said, "Okay, it worked. You charmed me and I'm not angry anymore" and he said with a totally straight face, "I wasn't trying to charm you. I'm really interested in philosophy."

But I'm too tired and I can't make the posts be interesting, so that's all you get.

I'm supposed to bring cheesecake to the departmental party tomorrow. I make one almost every year. It's sort of a tradition. I'm wondering if it would be really horrible to just buy one from the grocery store this year.

either way I have to decide now. Cheesecakes have to be baked the day before (or at least in the morning, but I have to proctor an exam in the morning).


  1. Yeah, I could see how talking about girly parts is a bit, well, personal.
    I say, buy the cheesecake!
    And Gary doesn't even realize he is doing it! Ha, that is funny.

  2. Anonymous11:49 PM

    you definitely have the dark humor thing down [one of your previous post was full of it]. i didn't know whether to leave a comment in that particular post saying that i enjoyed reading it, because, well, it seems wrong to find something you wrote so funny when it's really about something so serious... but now that you've put a phrase to it ("dark humor"), i feel more acceptable saying that it's neat that you are able to wring such stuff out of such a worrying situation.

    Yes, I see the irony -- declaring I want privacy about something by writing about it on the itnernet
    oh, and i certainly would hope that anyone who ever kept a blog would know how therapeutic it can be! besides, you take pains to keep this blog pretty private from people IRL, so even objectively writing about this stuff is still pretty private from IRL peoples... .

  3. I bought the cheescake. I'm wondering if I can convince everyone that I baked 6 different cheesecakes and then put together a selection on this plastic tray I just happened to have lying around.


    Jo, Hmm... you think he didn't realize he was doing it? that's possible, I just assumed he was really, really good at it.

    Silpheed-Tandy, I'm always always pleased to be found funny. I mean, I don't like it when I tell Roland that maybe I'm anemic and he laughs and says, "maybe you should not worry about things until the doctors say you should?" On the other hand, once I write story here it does seem silly to me and then you can laugh.

    Even though he shouldn't have.

  4. Buy the cheesecake unless cooking it is fun. Can you lead with telling the workers you don't want sympathy before you talk to them? I will follow your lead with business-like: When are you supposed to have answers again? Because my coffee hasn't kicked in and I forget.

  5. I have an appointment with the OB/GYN on Thursday am. That is when I will make my plea for "hysterectomy first, biopsy second." He will only agree to that if he thinks it is highly unlikely that I have cancer (I think). Anyway, if I need the biopsy then I need to schedule that sometime when Roland can drive me and there can be lots of drugs. My plan is to have any and all diagnostic tests done before I leave on June 4 and surgey scheduled for after June 9 (dates of the trip). Andrew comes home Friday June 12, so the 15th would be best. Andrew is 19 and old enough to officially supervise and transport the boys when Roland is with me. (I am of course learning that I can plan for things to happen till the cows come home. They happen when they happen.)

    I hope on Thursday to set a date for surgery.

    If I do then I can at least tell Gary's worker on Thursday to tell the licensing worker whom I haven't met that I don't want sympathy and concern.

    So we will see.

    I'll have something on Thursday, even if it is just on Twitter at first.

    Sometimes cooking is fun. Feeding people yummy things that I have cooked is always fun. This year though I bought the cheesecake.

  6. Aw crap, I just wrote a really witty comment about how it would be cool if we got our uterus' removed at the same time and we could compare morphine drips and whatnot and I lost it. DRAT. Ah well. Hang in there. And if you are anything like me, you will regret telling anyone and everyone the second you tell them.

  7. Ugh…my computer has been wigging out when I try to leave comments here so hopefully this time it’ll work…just hoping everything works out ok…thinking of you…in the most businesslike way possible!LOL I think waiting is a good idea…there’s been times I’ve told about something and dealing w/ people has been worse than dealing w/ the issue.


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