Lost it with Brian

I really did just lose it with Brian last night...and with Roland.

Roland has agreed to check the school web site every week. He even tells me that he is going to do, or that he has done it. He gets annoyed with me if I ask about it. Well, yesterday he did log in and looked at Brian's grades. It wasn't good. Brian hasn't turned in a practice sheet for Band all semester. He is getting friggin D in band because he hasn't turned in practice sheets. He has 100% for the in-class stuff, but you know, a zero averaged with 100 isn't a good grade.

It is a similar in all his classes. He is smart. He is good at everything he does. He is just horribly disorganized and forgets to do things, or forgets to turn in things he does. We've tried everything we know of to help him get organized.

Anyway, I got really angry at Brian. Really angry. He lies. He missed days when he was sick and insisted that he did talk to the teachers, but he didn't. Once again he has 100% on some of the work and zeros on the rest. It is so frustrating. I got very, very mad.

In the end I told Brian that he could not have ANY computer/video game/TV time until all of his grades are at least C's. Last night that seemed like a big deal. Today it seems like something that he can pull off pretty quickly -- if he can get teachers to accept work he didn't turn in quite a while ago when he was sick.

When I was calm again Gary showed up in the kitchen where I was doing dishes. I said I was sorry that I lost my temper even if it wasn't at him. He said it was okay. He was used to it.

Then I said, "Sometimes I think I'm a better parent to you, David, Carl, and Evan than I am to Brian and Andrew."

"Well, yeah, 'cause you can like separate from us."

Ain't it the truth.

Finally I played the "what's the worst that could happen" game. I eventually made myself feel better.

It would be easier if his plans for himself were something that didn't require college. Of cousre he is fourteen and doesn't really have any plans for himself. Still, he has, we have, always assumed he would go to college. When he does poorly in school like this I feel like such a horrible parent. I feel angry at myself for not checking the school's web page. I feel angry at Roland for not doing it when he said he would.

I've come to the conclusion that when I am parenting boys that I have not raised, it isn't a good idea to get too worked up about school. It generally works better if they know that I am there to help them whenever they want, but school is their job, not mine. I have over the years tried to make them do school work, and it is always a disaster.

Maybe I just don't do it right. I don't think this is the right approach with younger children, by the way.

I can't make up my mind to treat Brian the same way though.

I don't know if that means that I am a better or worse parent to him, or if it is just different.
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Update: Brian came home at the usual time because all the teachers have meetings on Wednesday and he couldn't talk to them anyway. Gary called me from the bus to say that he had been at school working with his teachers to figure out all he needed to to after missing two days of school. He said he was going to be crazy busy.

I mentioned it to Brian. He realized Gary is right -- teacher meetings are on Tuesday.

I don't want to be a mother right now.