Saturday, June 21, 2008

Evan is moving on Wednesday

...and I am so looking forward to it.

A few days he told me that he was excited about the move and I said that I was too. He protested saying that it was okay for HIM to say that, but not for me. I for like the 20th time since he moved in decided not to take the opportunity to complain about how he wasn't paying rent like last year, or buying the groceries he said he would, or doing anything around the house unless he was specifically asked and then only with a degree of protest. It irritates me. I know though that he has a car payment this year and he is trying to save money for everything he needs for his first apartment. The agency is paying all the deposits, and I am giving him a futon mattress, some old flatware, and a couple of battered pans. Still, he has to buy furniture and dishes and all the supplies a person needs to run a house.

So I don't mind that he doesn't pay rent. I do mind that Roland gave him money to buy pizza for the boys when we went out to celebrate our anniversary and he decided to spend it all, buying pizza, renting movies, and did not give Roland the small amount of change that he had left.

It was juvenile of him and it is petty of me.

I love him, but the house is crowded. I know that Andrew is counting the days until Evan's clothes won't be all over his bedroom floor. I will be pleased when I don't have to worry about the towels. Evan claims that he uses only his own green towels, but that is a big fat lie. He uses whatever clean towel is in the bathroom and then hangs it up on the rack where anyone can use them. This would not be a big deal, except for the MRSA.

I keep thinking that if he isn't going to contribute to the household financially he should at least being helping out without being prodded. Last weekend I spoke to him on the phone and asked him to unload and reload the dishwasher and the child laughed. He really didn't think I could possibly be serious.

It is just a series of petty annoyances. Really. I wish I had set clearer rules when he moved in.

I know though that my increasing annoyance is partly because he is about to leave. Getting irritated with someone seems to be part of my pattern for letting them go. It is not as bad this time as it has been before. Of course, maybe that is because my annoyance isn't really part of that pattern. I am genuinely disappointed and looking forward to having only five people instead of six in this house.

Personally, I don't think that is unreasonable.

I think it is great for Gary that Evan is around. I think that part of Gary's easy transition to the house has been seeing Evan here. He sees that Evan is loved and accepted even as he comes back and take advantage of us for two months, just like Andrew or Brian would be. I should probably regard all the time that he spends, not always voluntarily, with Gary as part of his contribution to the house. I really do wonder how much more difficult it would have been for Gary to relax here if he didn't have Evan's example. I do think he wouldn't have put on the healthy amount of weight he did. That "I don't eat much" attitude swiftly disappeared as Evan introduced him to the wonders of our kitchen.

The length of this rant is more about the excess build-up of annoyance that I have not been regularly dumping into the blog and about the fact that he has is about to leave than it is anything else. And I am not just saying that because he sometimes reads the blog.

But I am excited FOR him too. The apartment complex he is moving into is new and in a great location. It is small enough that he won't need to buy much furniture and is very affordable. It is a one bedroom and he won't have any roommates, although his boyfriend, to whom I still have not been introduced, will probably be a regular visitor. I would not be surprised if the boyfriend ended up moving in at some point, but for now it will just be Evan's private space.

It will be good for him.

It is something that I missed in my own life. I moved from the dorms to married student housing. I don't regret having my own place in the sense that I would make a different decision if I could go back. When I imagine my life at that time all the same considerations seem valid. It was the right thing to do. I don't regret it in the sense that I wish my life had taken a different course. I am very happy with the way things are now. I do feel though that it was an experience that should be part of a normal growing up and I missed it. So I'm a bit jealous of Evan too.


  1. You are a very patient person. I find myself wondering as I read this post how well I will do with teenagers ... I'd better take up meditation quick and get good at it. :)

    I only lived alone for seven months and much to my surprise, I loved it.

    Glad that things are going so well with Gary.


  2. I feel compelled to point out that Evan isn't a teenager. He will be 21 in September.

  3. I only lived on my own once, for about a year. It was the most terrifying thing at first. Eventually I learned to love an appreciate my space. There are days I miss it, you know when I'm picking up after everyone or can't get into the bathroom.

    I wouldn't trade my life for anything but I'm glad that I had that experience. It was proof that I could do anything on my own.

  4. He might be 21 in years, but he will always be young to you. I find it difficult to find a balance in parenting older kids. There aren't any clear cut rules and they don't enjoy being parented and I don't enjoy it when they MAKE me be the parent.
    You are the best mom, really!


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