Tuesday, August 12, 2008


I just overheard Gary talking to his dad on the phone. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop. He is just talking in a normal voice in the next room. Gary said, "but guess what? [State worker] says if you just come over here to visit two times Yondalla can call him and tell him that everything is okay and then we can have regular visits."

That is EXACTLY what I didn't want his dad to be told. I don't want him visiting in the house. I don't want him believing that I have the power to decide whether he has visits.

I'm not sure exactly what I am going to do. I told Roland that if he does end up dropping by for a visit I will call the agency worker and say, "Gary's dad was here. X, Y, and Z happened. I am informing you that I think it is okay for them to have visits and if anyone asks me what I said I will report that I said that." The agency worker will understand.

D*mn, d*mn, d*mn.

I am determined not to fly into a panic. There is every reason to think he won't follow through on the suggestion anyway. He hasn't done anything else. Unless he does.


  1. I am so sorry Gary just gave you just one more thing to worry about.

    It's bad enough you should have to worry about your boys. Now you have to worry about difficult birth parents.

    I'm sorry.

  2. That sucks. Can't fault Gary for being enthusiastic though! I was going to commend you on setting great boundaries - which I still think you are doing - so good job!

  3. Oh yikes! And double yikes. I am sorry.

  4. Its kinda sweet and funny isn't it- Gary has lost so much innocence, being a part of the system, etc, but yet he still innocently believes that if he can just find the magic solution, it'll all be ok with dad.

    Very sad. Sweet but sad.

    On another note, no way in heck would I let birth dad in my house. Not because of the verbal confrontations, that can easily be resolved with a quick 911 call.

    I'd simply worry that the man would do something irrational and cruel to lash out because his son is very well adjusted and loving your home. Jealousy plain and simple.

    Left a few dishes in the sink? Crumbs on the couch? Dusty cobweb in the dark corner of the hall? He makes a quick anonymous complaint of neglect to the state hotline as retaliation.

    Something not up to firecode? Maybe a bedroom without a window & closet somewhere that you only use when all the boys come home at once? Again, anonymous complaint.

    Ironically, its never happened to me or my family. However, I've heard horror stories, enough that I'm permanently leery. We don't even meet the birth family of our kiddos in our county- instead we drive the hour plus to their counties for visits. The less they know about us, the safer I feel.Good luck!

  5. Eek..sorry!

    I agree though, I would not let a birth parent into my home. I would gladly do a visit in the community, but not at my home, at least not until I really had a good relationship with them.


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