Wednesday, April 23, 2008

"Don't you have enough to worry about?"

Well, apparently NOT.

I have a new theory about me. I think I am addicted to stress and anxiety. If I don't have enough at home I will get worked up over something else. I'm just one sick puppy. What follows is evidence of that neurosis. Be afraid.

How other than insanity can I explain addiction to the 24-second news cycle coverage of the campaign? Why else do I have a burning desire to find out what idiotic thing Bill Clinton has said every single day? I know that my anxious energy isn't going to change anything. It really isn't.

And now the race is in Indiana, where I used to live. Now I am about to piss some people off, but I have lived in North Carolina and in Indiana and there is a big ole stretch of Indiana that is the most racist place I have ever lived. We lived in a town for a while that I later learned had a very specific reputation. It was in 1989 that Roland, teaching in the high school, said something positive about someone Jewish and one of his students said, in class, "Are you for the JEWS?" The entire class looked stunned. Roland replied, "Absolutely. I'm for everyone. And you know, there are Jewish people every where they are not really any different from anyone else." One young woman said with anxiety, "There aren't any in OUR school are they?"

We looked a house to rent there and the woman who owned it met us and then apologized for telling us over the phone that she wasn't sure it was available, it was. "I couldn't tell you on the phone because with all these new laws you can't just ask people if they're white, you have to meet them to make sure." We didn't rent from her. We did however live next door to a woman who was HAPPY when I told her that a cross had been burned on the lawn of the Black Cultural Center at Purdue University and confused when I told her that I was going to protest demonstration. There were more of those lawn jockey statues (all black, of course) in that town than I have every seen in my entire life.

Of course I can't do anything about that. My sitting around and wondering if Indianapolis and the land near Chicago will out-vote the People of the Corn won't change a d*mn thing. (Go ahead, flame me in the comments. See if I care. I'm a woman barely holding onto sanity.)

I keep reminding myself that I would be an enthusiastic Hillary Clinton supporter if she had, you know, actually won. Well, enthusiasic if someone would hog-tie Bill and leave him in a barn somewhere. I supported him too, by the way. I just think that having a president whose spouse is a narcissist who will undercut her and embarrass the rest of us is a very, very bad idea. I get these thoughts running around in my head -- like I shouldn't hold Bill against Hillary, but then part of the experience she is ASKING me to judge her on is being his wife, right? So am I only supposed to count the ways in which that is a good thing? Personally I would rather rate her on HER experience.

And just so long as we are clear, she hasn't actually held public office longer than Obama has.

And the only way she can catch up in the popular vote is to count Michigan and Florida and NOT consider caucus participation, which really irritates me to no end. Every time someone talks about the popular vote I feel like a Who from Whoville. I want to round everyone up everyone from the caucus states and get them all to yell together:

"We are here. We are here! We are here!"

I've given you the link to Nora Ephron's "Hooked on Hillary" twice now, but my favorite part has been running through my head. I must quote. "[I]t's turned into an unending last episode of Survivor. They're eating rats and they're frying bugs, and they're frying rats and they're eating bugs; no one is ever going to get off the island and I can't take it any more" (Emphasis most emphatically mine).

I feel better now. A little.

I told Roland this morning, after I added The Indianapolis Star and the Charlotte Observer to my favorites so that I can start checking THEM out every day, "You know, maybe I need more stress and anxiety IN the house. I think I am addicted to it. I think I would be better if the agency sent us another kid. I really do."

And he said, "I think you are right."


  1. You need to find another hobby...

  2. Ah but obsessions are so entertaining, well entertaining for the rest of us.

  3. As a pretty conservative life-long Republican/Independent (Indep for when the Repubs get too liberal on me), I have to admit I normally skip over the political posts. I have my opinion of Billary, and definitely my opinion of Obama, I've researched his "mentor pastor", and such, but typically, I really don't care about the whole Dem issue.

    But something kept me hanging on this time- was it the paragraph alignment that caught my eye? the possibility of BOLD typing at the bottom? Who knows.

    Or maybe it was the lurking promise of ANOTHER KID!!!!!! Who-hoooo!!!!

    Is it wrong of me to hope you get another kiddo soon? Because you always seem to get the most interesting scenarios and its so much fun and relief to read about someone else experiencing the "too weird to be fiction" life!

  4. By the way, you don't hate me cuz I'm a repub, do you? I just spent 60 seconds worrying about that. I'll explain why I vote Repub if you want. It really boils down to about 4 issues that I just really don't compromise on.

  5. Really Mrs. Butter B -- stop worrying. I won't ban you from the blog. I won't hate you for your political beliefs. Civil disagreement is what democracy is all about.

    I'm ready for a new kid, but that doesn't mean one will show up. I wish I could make it happen on my time-table, but alas.

  6. I hate Indiana. I have since I drove through over 10 years ago and had a series of very unpleasant experiences in that state. It felt like these bad things were happening because I am Jewish.
    Thank you for confirming my paranoia!

  7. Anonymous5:32 PM

    Long time lurker here. This post twigged my dissertating brain which boils down to this:

    You don't need a new kid (well, not unless you want one). You could get more involved with politics instead! Channel that anxiety into letter writing and phone banking for a few weeks. Maybe that will take the edge off ;)

  8. I grew up in Indiana. It is as racist as you say it is, and then some. As a matter of fact, I am dying to know what little town you were in, because it sounds exactly like the one I lived in for the first fifteen years of my life. I hate those damn lawn jockeys.

  9. I agree, you have a problem. But acknowleging the problem is the first step. Maybe we could find you a 12 step program for de-politicking you.

  10. I agree, you have a problem. But acknowleging the problem is the first step. Maybe we could find you a 12 step program for de-politicking you.

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  12. Holy Cow Yondalla....I was raised in Frankfort and Lebanon and my husband is from Frankfort. Lebanon schools are what cause me to start homeschooling Cody...LOL. My husband's family (still in Frankfort) still refers to AA's as "colored" and it makes me cringe every time I hear it. My MIL is voting for Obama though!! My father is still in Lebanon, and is one of those people that refers to "porch monkeys" and the like. We don't spend much time with any of our family because of what that effect that might have on Cody.

    We are in Lafayette now in Purdue country:-)

    You might be interested to hear that I went to an Obama rally a few weeks back and there are pics on my blog:-)

  13. I'm living in one of those two states that are supposedly maing or breaking victory for Billary. The economy here is so bad that my house is worth $60,000 less than it was when we bought it five years ago. And we may have to relocate soon for the sake of long term career growth; I really don't know how that's going to work out for us.

    I understand and sympathize with all of the concerns about Billary. I'll probably vote for Obama if he gets the nod once and for all, though I have concerns about him, too. But I am (understatement) *not* *too* *happy* about the fact that no one asked *me* if I wanted to risk having my vote thrown out in an act of civil disobedience (the democratic party is just *one* thing in a long list of things that are bleeped up here). Though to be fair, I think they have a point ... why can't the location of the first primaries rotate, like the superbowl? ... if you'd asked me if that point was worth the risk of throwing my vote away ... I'm not sure I'd have said yes. And now it's all mercenary ... she wants it to count my vote because she can't win without it. He doesn't want to count it because he'll lose (and I thought he was posing as the candidate with the moral high ground). We are here, we are here and we are bleeped.

    Though, like you, I am very close to not being able to take it any more, so I guess I'll just have to get over it.



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