Discontent
I've been trying to figure out how to write this post without violating my own standards for respecting others privacy....Let's see... How about if I just jump to the end of the story?
One of Gary's ex-girlfriend's just had a pregnancy scare.
Gary dealing with feeling insulting that she would have got involved with the young man with whom she was involved because he is an irresponsible jerk. Gary would never have acted like that. Gary would have had his GED in a week and a job in two. He would have been responsible.
Sigh.
I don't know this young woman very well. It irritates me that she called Gary to hold her hand through this. It bothers me that he allowed himself to be so deeply sucked in. I am glad that he has a good counselor with whom he is talking about all these things and that he says he knows that any continued relationship with this woman is not healthy for him. It bothers me again that he can't quite make himself walk away. He can't cut himself off from her, and he knows it is because he was abandoned. He cannot bring himself to abandon another.
It REALLY bothers me that he seems to be romanticizing early fatherhood. He is more mature than his peers at school. They are children, naive, sheltered. They don't know what real life is like.
I wrote before about Gary being unable to settle and be happy wherever he is. For years he has survived by imagining the the next stage of his life and thinking about how wonderful everything will be then.
And now I am nervous that the "next stage" that seems so wonderful to him is one in which he is a man, taking care of his responsibilities, living in the real world and being a good father.
Ugg.
I am so not ready for a kid who is romanticizing parenthood. Well, the romanticization I can deal with it. It is the possibility of the reality that is more than I want to face. People sometimes say that girls are easier. Hah! You only think girls are easier in this respect if you don't think that pregnancy affects boys. I don't. Right now I am very jealous of parents of girls.
If there was a male birth control pill I would so be there.
Can I have another gay boy next, please?
I'll bet Gary wants a chance to be the dad he hoped he had. My middle son's bio-sister scared the bejesus out of me during the short time she lived with us. She was very into wanting to be a mom and much of her issues stemmed around a deep need for unconditional love but also to show that she could "do" what mom didn't. Luckily she didn't get pregnant on my watch!
ReplyDeleteOn the positive side, if Gary doesn't stay sucked in with this girl, then maybe he is learning to just be a good friend. And he was wise enough to talk this through with the trusted adults in his life also. And being able to view the other kids irresponsibility is also good. There are a *lot* of teen boys who band together and blame the girl. Hang in there, and if you invent male b. control I'll be your first customer--I have 3 darling boys! LOL
Girls are NOT easier, so don't waste your time feeling jealous.
ReplyDeleteIf you have a boy, all you have to worry about is ONE penis. If you have a girl, you have to worry about EVERY penis.
When my oldest daughter was dating girls, I loved the fact that she couldn't get pregnant. That's one way in which parenting gay and bi teenagers is definitely easier.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately my second daughter is straight. And unexpectedly pregnant at the age of 20. Oy.