My Father Visits

My father is visiting and that is always a stressor.

It was a little unclear exactly when he was going to get here. He showed up yesterday, just after I had got rid of the last family member and was settling down to watch The Closer on my DVR. Brian was the only one I could get in touch with, which is fortunate because he is the only one who has "uncomplicated" feelings about my father. We met him at the restaurant near the hotel (one of my least favorite eateries in the world, but that is irrelevant) for dinner.

The first thing he said to Brian was, "So you haven't lost any weight since I saw you last, huh?"

Brian with surprise told him that he had not lost any weight, but he had grown and not gained any. He was still expecting to get thinner as he grew. I backed him up on that claim. It is likely. I considered explaining to my father that the weight gain was caused by one of the drugs that we had tried and that it was true that once he switched meds he stopped gaining, but my long standing habit is to never give my father more information than absolutely necessary, especially information he can use in a negative way. He doesn't know anything about Brian medications or counseling. I am not even sure we have said anything about him going to half days at school. If Brian wants to tell him, he can.

He is planning on taking Andrew and Brian out to lunch today. Not Evan, of course.

I told him that Evan was back and that he works from 2-10pm everyday so they won't see each other much. My father turned that into "not at all" and has just crossed him off his list of people to think about. I have some responsibility for this as I don't push Evan back into his consciousness. I could have told Evan just to be ready at when he shows up and announce to my father that Evan was going to meet them wherever and Dad would go along with it.

The thing is, I think that Evan would probably turn down the invitation if it were made. After last year he has learned that my father is not really a nice person and he probably doesn't really want to have lunch with him. Like me, it is not the lunch, it is the thought. I am sure he will be hurt that my father did not even consider inviting him. And that is the one thing that I cannot make my father do. I can't make my father care about any one's feelings.

He leaves Friday afternoon.