Thursday, April 08, 2010

Adopt Talk

Okay, so here is the cool thing we learned from the adoption attorney. When we adopt Evan his mom will still be his mom, legally. The law doesn't say much about the relationships between adult children and their parents. What it does say however won't change. Laws regarding visitation in hospitals and inheritance, for instance, won't be changed.

At least that is here in this state.

Anyway, I was very happy to hear that, and I think the attorney was surprised (pleasantly so) that I was happy about it. It will only affect Evan, but it is a good thing. I don't want to minimize, of course, what this adoption could still mean to her. It still bothers me. I am though still committed to doing what Evan wants rather than what his mother wants.

The attorney was initially distressed to learn that three of the boys were not born in here. That just means that it will take longer to get some of the paper work processed. He did sigh with relief when he learned that none of them were born in California, where the whole process could easily take a year.

Evan is the only one who was born in my state, and his new birth certificate will be issued in 4 to 6 weeks.

I showed up with a list of the boys names, birth dates, and some other basic information. He was very pleased. I also had copies of their birth certificates ... except for David's, but he has it and lives in the area so we should be able to get it to the attorney today or tomorrow.

My birth certificate (which I don't need for the adult adoptions) wasn't where it should have been. We will need to dig deeply for that. I'll go through the same safe that Roland went through twice yesterday. Maybe he just over-looked it. If not, there a lock-box it might be in. I hope. Getting a new copy of mine will slow the home study process down horrible.

Although... the lawyer is going to petition to have the home study waived. He can't guarantee that the waiver will be granted, but he thinks there is an excellent chance. We have been foster parents in good standing for 10 years, Gary has been living with us for almost 2 years and will be 18 in a six months. Part of the rational will be that if we have to get it we might not be able to adopt him before his 18th birthday, at which point we wouldn't need it. It would be lovely if the judge grants it.

If everything goes as the attorney thinks, we could get all this done this summer.

If we have to have the home study, then it will be in the fall.


  1. 2 side notes: where we have lived (3 states), if you were born in the same state you live in, all you have to do is go to the local health dept, show your picture ID, pay $7-10 and they will print a copy of your short form birth cert immediately (short form is all that is needed for domestic adoptions from what I understand. Long forms from the state capitals are needed for int'l adoptions).

    Next thing- many private social workers (google them and let me know if you can't find one, I may can help you out) do adoption homestudies, and if you are a currently licensed FP, you can often provide a copy of your most recent homestudy for foster care and ask for an adoption update. THey normally cost 1/2 the price (around $500) and take as little as 30 days. All you do is fill out an updated form for anything that has changed since your last homestudy for foster care and they come do 3 visits.

    Maybe this helps?

  2. Oh my, I have missed soooo much! Please take pity on me, pretty please and shoot me an email with the highlights??? I am up to date with Gary's hospitalization and that you are adopting all three older boys, YAY!
    I feel badly that I have missed so much, but there isn't anything I can do about it now, except catch up if you don't mind and stay current.

  3. I just wanted to take the time to say congrats on getting all this underway!

  4. Is there a way to contact you privately? I have some questions about parenting GLBT teens...


  5. email me at
    pflagfostermom at gmail dot com


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