Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Helen's moved to the B's

Today Helen was picked up from school to go to independent living class. She called from the transporter's cell phone to ask if I had heard from the SW. I said no, but as long as I had her, what would she like for dinner? She said tacos. So I swung by the store to get cilantro and other wonderful taco things, thinking happy thoughts about kids who actually answer that question instead of saying, "I don't know. Whatever you want to cook."

The SW called about 4:00 to say that he would be coming by with her after independent living so he could take her and her things to the B's. He spoke with Roland who was much less emotional than I would have been.

I spent about an hour crying. I was worried that I might not be able to pull it together before she got here. I see all the advantages of her going to the B's. I can and will support that move. That of course doesn't mean that I am not deeply disappointed and capable of being a big ole cry baby about it. (On the whiny, cry-baby note, why is it that I never get to keep the girls? I love my boys, but what the hell universe?)

After crying for a while I remembered that she was halfway through The Hunger Games on my Kindle. I decided that I would loan it to her. Then I decided that if she was taking it to the B's I should remove all the tawdry romance novels. Then I decided that I would go ahead and get the new Kindle I have been coveting for a while and let her keep the Kindle on loan indefinitely. So I sat down at the computer to remove a couple hundred books from the machine (not all of them tawdry). It kept me busy and by the time Helen and the SW showed up I was nearly done. It made saying goodbye easier since I was able to spend those few minutes telling her how to use it rather than how much I was going to miss her.

Now this isn't about me being incredibly generous. In fact, one could argue that it was a totally selfish act, since I am using it as an excuse to buy a new one. It also makes me feel better because I LOANED it to her, and that means she and I are agreeing that I will see her again soon.

And now she is gone, and the house is quiet. I won't have to drive an hour tomorrow to take her to school. She is going where she wants to be, having no doubt that she is loved and welcomed here.

And I am going to cry a little bit more while I eat the tacos she wanted for dinner.


  1. Oh, I'm sorry to hear this. I mean, there are positives (being close to school, with an LDS family, etc) but I know you were attached to her and wanted her to stay. Heck, I think we all wanted her to stay. Hoping you got your girl, finally. Will she still come visit on weekends?

  2. I know this is a bummed out day for you, but I wanted to tell you that was struck (again) by how wonderfully honest and insightful you are, and how well you can explain and work through being simultaneously happy and sad about Helen leaving.

    You have such a great combination of open-heartedness and calm practicality, and it is evident in nearly every post you make. I'm sorry today sucked, but it reminded me once again that I needed pop in and tell you that I think you're a really awesome mom.

  3. You inspire me to continue on to our homestudy and hopefully placement...Thanks,



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