Monday, January 18, 2010

Help for my sister

My sister lives in St. Cloud, Minnesota.

Some of you have read her story here. The update is that her husband may be unexpectedly coming home from Iraq in less than four weeks. This is not good.

There will be a restraining order so that my BIL cannot come near my nephew, but Sis is frightened. She has been going to school full-time and doesn't have a job. She is looking but not confident that she can find something that will support her and the kids. She is not confident that BIL will continue to support the family voluntarily. The therapist has suggested that one option is allowing her son to go into foster care while she and her daughter continue to live with her husband. I don't think that is an option she can CHOOSE, though it might be a possible consequence of things she does not plan on choosing.

I've thought about letting her ship him to me for at least a while. Given that he did fire a gun in Brian's general direction (18 months ago, true) and has a good relationship with a therapist THERE, I don't think that is ideal.

I know some of you are in Minnesota. If you know anything that could be helpful, please contact me. Let me know if Sis can contact you directly.

pflagfostermom at gmail dot com

Update: Sis is contacting a couple of BIL's siblings. Though Nephew and BIL will both be angry that she "told" what was going on, she will do it. She is confident that these siblings will believe and understand. Her hope is that one or more of them will allow BIL to live with them so she and the kids can stay in the house.


  1. that is tough, i hope that it works out.

  2. I'm really surprised the military doesn't have another option here, in truth. And, If nephew has made accusations of harm against the biological father, and the court found that the two cannot coexist in the same house, yet the nephew was able to stay with his mom and sisters, then the obvious thing that our DHS would do is demand that the father pay child support/alimony and find other residence. Typically the state doesn't want an abuser in the home with ANY of the children, not just the one that decided to burn a few things.

    They did go through social services, right? I seem to remember that.

  3. I'm sorry; this sounds like a difficult situation. Although I'd worry about him having fired a gun a Brian, my sense is that Brian is better adjusted than your nephew and can probably deal with things for awhile if he needs to. But, I agree that it seems preferable to keep him with the therapist he's already developed a relationship with. (If he does come to you, lock up any possible weapons, though!) Good luck!

  4. Stacie, No there was never any DHS involvement. My sister did not acknowledge and start dealing until after BIL left for basic training. There wasn't any reason to call protective services then because he was in no immediate danger. And after the fire he was getting therapy, so again nothing was reported. (Well, someone may have made some sort of report to protective services, but Sis never got a call).

    Fostering Dreams, I did mention to my sister about the possibility of him coming here. She's not following up on that. He would be very far from him mom and probably wouldn't see her for months.

    Sis did write an email to BIL's sister and her husband. They understand, are not surprised, and agreed that BIL should stay with them for at least a while when he comes back.

    I'm still hoping that he will get sent overseas again.

    Thanks everyone.

  5. I was thinking the other day about your nephew and wondering how he was going. I hope the other family members are able to step up and help get your sister and your family through this. It's got to be so hard. I hope things get better for all of them.


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