tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post5617997417269241175..comments2023-09-23T02:16:11.746-06:00Comments on Thoughts from a Foster Family: Rhetoric of DisruptionYondallahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10375966725096729570noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-57970769678270607162007-12-20T08:39:00.000-07:002007-12-20T08:39:00.000-07:00I've been the one saying those things too, Fosterm...I've been the one saying those things too, Fostermama.<BR/><BR/>I think we all have. It is just so hard to imagine oneself asking for a child to be removed. It is the sort of thing we need to believe that we would never do.Yondallahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10375966725096729570noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-16624958498450096822007-12-20T08:06:00.000-07:002007-12-20T08:06:00.000-07:00Yet another great post that speaks to my heart Yon...Yet another great post that speaks to my heart Yondalla. <BR/><BR/>I've been one of those people that asked "Didn't they know?" and if there is only one thing I've learned as a parent it is that this is SOOOO much harder that I could have ever conceived.Fostermamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17484574574785705446noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-41732702838313632582007-12-20T06:05:00.000-07:002007-12-20T06:05:00.000-07:00This is a great post, Yondalla. While I have never...This is a great post, Yondalla. While I have never experienced one myself, I think I get why they happen.<BR/><BR/>I do have an issue with disrupting adoptive placements, but I think it's more to do with the semantic baggage attached. Personally, I don't think pre-adoptive placements should exist. I don't think anyone in a situation (foster parents, caseworkers and most importantly of all, children) should expect a placement to be a pre-adoption until those same parties have been living with the situation and are absolutely sure an adoption is going to happen. It may be different in other places but it's my observation that the term pre-adoptive is translated loosely to "trial period" which I think, is a more appropriate match with foster placement than with adoption.<BR/><BR/>I think kids, especially older kids, get the difference between a foster placement and an adoptive placement and I think it's much more traumatic to have an adoptive placement go south.<BR/><BR/>But maybe this semantic difference isn't that big a deal in reality? It just feels a lot different to me.Amandahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08954918065641135178noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-67654053872813163972007-12-19T20:03:00.000-07:002007-12-19T20:03:00.000-07:00Thank you for writing this. My biggest worry abou...Thank you for writing this. My biggest worry about foster/adopting older kids, especially as a single parent, is that I will get in over my head. What if I take in a child and then realize that either (a) I can't effectively parent this child or (b)the only way I could effectively parent this child is to give up everything else in my life (work, hobbies, friends, etc)? I know there are parents who do that (give everything up), but I am fairly certain I wouldn't be happy in that situation. And while I've done quite a bit of reading/research, and I would certainly go into this with open eyes, our ability to predict which children will succeed and which ones will struggle is definitely limited. So do I decide not to do care at all if I'm not willing to commit my entire life to it? Or do I take a deep breath and jump in, knowing that it could be me those people are talking about someday, questioning why I bothered to take in a child if I wasn't fully committed?sarsmilehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00723926033866806632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21112957.post-43450122229062954492007-12-19T17:41:00.000-07:002007-12-19T17:41:00.000-07:00We had the disruption. Our almost-son had been in ...We had the disruption. Our almost-son had been in and out of foster homes for more than half of his life. After he left our home, he went to another home and disrupted there. Then he went to another home -- a home I truly thought he'd blow out of within days -- and we attended his finalization last month.<BR/><BR/>His forever family has been phenomenal with him. Where I thought he'd walk all over them, whatever they are doing has worked. He's blossoming and reaching all the potential we all saw within him; he just needed to be with the right family.<BR/><BR/>Likewise, our children came from a disrupted adoption placement. The family prior could not handle their needs sufficiently. We could. Everyone has different limits and until you have pushed those limits, you really never know what you can do.<BR/><BR/>Your comment -- And we need to stop saying of parents who disrupt a placement, "Didn't they know what it was going to be like?"<BR/><BR/>Because the answer is always, "No. They didn't. And neither do you." -- is absolutely dead on.Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05497284693223622245noreply@blogger.com